What’s your party personality?

We all have different personalities – some of us are introverts and love to be calm and peaceful, while our extroverted friends are exuberant and love nothing better than a good party.

But there are certain times of the year when we’re all expected to be jolly and outgoing, and the festive season is one of them. Anyone who refuses to wear a paper hat and opts out of the conga is labelled a ‘party pooper’, and if we’re not up and dancing or joining in the party games, people think we’re sulking or depressed. It can be difficult, but instead of trying to change our personality to adapt to the party season, life coaches recommend we stay true to ourselves and celebrate the festive season in the way that’s best for us. They say there are six types of party personality, ranging from the shy wallflower to the attention-seeker, who wears herself out trying to be noticed. With just a few tweaks here and there, we can all be at our festive best this season – without undergoing a personality transplant. Which one are you?

This is the woman who waits until everyone’s arrived for the festive celebrations, then she swings the door open and makes a big entrance. She will be dressed to kill in a glamorous designer number with the highest of heels, having spent the best part of the day at the beauty salon. She’ll be the first to put the party hat on, first on the dance floor with her outrageous moves and first to volunteer for party games.

Tip Talane Miedaner, author of The Secret Laws of Attraction, says attention-seekers usually need to be noticed, recognised or heard and she recommends they do her quiz at www.lifecoach.com to work out their emotional needs so they can meet them in other, healthier ways.

Talane points out, “If she wants to be heard, she could get an appropriate audience by offering to give talks on her job or hobbies to different groups, or putting herself forward as a TV interviewee on her speciality subject. When her needs are met elsewhere, she won’t be as OTT at the Christmas party.”

This is one confident woman, and she breezes into the party ready for action. She will work the room, buzzing from person to person, her hand outstretched, introducing herself to everyone. Mixing and mingling is second nature so she doesn’t dance much and only goes to the buffet if there’s someone she wants to chat to there. By the end of the party, she’ll have probably talked to everyone. She can be shallow and too glib, and although she asks questions, it soon becomes clear she isn’t really listening. She’ll repeat questions you’ve already answered or forget important facts you’ve just told her. She may interrupt you to launch into her own story.

Tip Coach Bibi Sheikh, head of HR and Development Coaching at 2blimitless in Dubai, suggests the social butterfly learns to be 100 per cent present. “Really listen to people, and don’t check your phone or look over their shoulder while they’re talking to you,” says Bibi. “Don’t walk off while they’re mid-sentence just because someone else more interesting has arrived.” Instead ask open-ended questions, such as, “What’s the most exciting thing you’ve done this year?” and listening for two or three minutes without speaking or interjecting with your own story.

The wallflower slips into the party without anyone noticing her and she’ll bag a table in a corner away from the action. She’s often the one in a quiet part of the hotel lobby or the kitchen at a house party while all the other guests are dancing the night away or playing charades.

She likes socialising, but she’s more comfortable with people she knows well, and she prefers smaller groups of good friends to big parties of people she hardly knows. She never mingles and once she’s found a base, she stays there all evening.

If you talk to the wallflower this Christmas, she’ll appear shy and unconfident, and she’s nervous about chit-chat. She may seem like hard work and your conversation might not flow easily. This is because she thinks before she talks as she likes to be clear about what she’s saying. She’s worth persevering with – she usually has a kind heart and is a genuinely nice person.

Talane adds, “Have a word with the host or hostess beforehand and ask them to give you a little job. If you’re passing round trays of hors d’oeuvres, you’ll feel more comfortable, you can be polite and sociable, and you don’t have to think of anything original to say. That way, you’re not sitting on your own, wishing you dared approach people.”

This woman has a limited number of stories and every time she goes to a party, she tells them all over again. She talks about her own life in great detail – even discussing mundane jobs around the house. When she tells stories, she quotes exactly what people have said word for word, and she pauses a little, checking she has remembered things exactly right.

The party bore gets into little groups but finds that people drift off as quickly as possible after they’ve listened to her for a while, or if she’s been chatting to someone for a few minutes, their partner comes along with an unusual excuse to take them to admire the skyline or to dance.

The party bore doesn’t realise this, and she just moves on to someone else. Soon very few people at the party will make eye contact with her because they’re so scared of getting stuck with her for the rest of the evening.

Tip Bibi believes the hardest part for this persona is recognising she’s the party bore. “She could start by reading people’s body language,” says Bibi. “If the party bore is talking to someone and that person’s eyes are glazing over, or their friends keep coming over and rescuing them, she has to face the fact she is boring them. She could stop talking about herself and ask the person she’s talking to some open-ended questions about their own lives and interests.”

Talane suggests the party bore enrol for a course in public speaking to learn how to be a better conversationalist. “She has the stories – she just needs to learn how to make the mundane seem interesting,” says Talane.

This person is the perfect party guest. She is genuinely interested in people and talks to most people at a party. She is clever at bringing out the best in people and she has the gift of getting people to talk about their lives so they go away feeling brilliant about themselves.

She is upbeat, positive, warm and friendly, and she’ll make as much effort with the children and the great grandparents, as with people her own age. She’s confident and happy in her own skin and if she makes a gaffe, she’ll laugh it off and even crack a self-deprecating joke. Empathy is her special quality as she listens to issues and problems without judgement, and she will help where she can, but she is no martyr. Every guest at the party leaves thinking they’re special and they remember the pleasure of talking to her.

Tip Ms Charisma has got it just right and she’s a pleasure to have around, says Talane.

This party-goer tends to be a go-getting personality yet she may come across as aloof and aggressive. She’s often late to the party if she bothers to go at all. She sometimes looks as if she’s hating every moment of the festivities and she can’t wait for January 6 when the trees are down and all the fuss is over.

Ms Cool is a leader and she’s impatient. She’s very serious and wants to talk about the economy and world events. She isn’t afraid of conflict and may well end up in an argument about politics. She also doesn’t realise that other party guests find her a little scary and intimidating. She can appear curt and sharp – if she doesn’t like your outfit, she might well tell you, but only if you ask her. Commenting on someone’s dress is a little too much like small talk for her. If you ask how she is, she’ll find your question intrusive and she’ll snap, “Fine!” She thinks admiring the panoramic view from the hotel or discussing the decorations in the living room is a total waste of time, when she could be discussing inflation.

Tip Ms Cool could give herself an agenda and have a list of five people she could talk to, suggests Talane. “For example, a lawyer might go with the idea of attracting some new business, or there might be business people at the event that she could swap ideas with.

Bibi suggests that if Ms Cool feels she has to be at the party, then she goes for an hour and gives it her best, before making an early exit.