Ricky Gervais, hosting the Golden Globes for the fifth time, repeatedly assured the audience he didn’t care about its gasps and shocked reactions to his most controversial jokes — after all, he said, it’s his last time hosting.
“Let’s have a laugh at your expense, shall we? Remember, they’re just jokes,” he advised the famous members of the audience. “We’re all gonna die soon, and there’s no sequel.”
Here are some of the most scathing lines — except for the vulgar digs about James Corden and Judi Dench as he skewered the disastrous ‘Cats’, which we aren’t allowed to repeat because this is a family newspaper.
“In this room are some of the most important TV and film executives in the world, people from every background. But they all have one thing in common: they’re all terrified of Ronan Farrow. He’s coming for you. He’s coming for you. Look, talking to all you perverts, it was a big year for paedophile movies. ‘Surviving R Kelly.’ ‘Leaving Neverland.’ ‘The Two Popes’.”
“Apple roared into the TV game with ‘The Morning Show,’ a superb drama about the importance of dignity and doing the right thing — made by a company that runs sweatshops in China. You say you’re woke, but the companies you work for, I mean, unbelievable: Apple, Amazon, Disney. If Isis started a streaming service, you’d call your agent, wouldn’t you? So if you do win an award tonight, don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech, right? You’re in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg. So if you win, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent and your God, and [expletive].”
“No one cares about movies anymore, no one goes to the cinema, no one really watches network TV. Everyone’s watching Netflix. This show should just be me coming out going, ‘Well done Netflix, you win everything, good night.’ But no, we’ve got to drag it out three hours. You could binge watch the entire first season of ‘After Life’ instead of watching this show. That’s a show about a man who wants to kill himself because his wife dies of cancer — and its still more fun than this. Spoiler alert, season two is on the way, so in the end, he obviously didn’t kill himself — just like Jeffrey Epstein. [Gasps] Shut up! I know he’s your friend, but I don’t care. You had to make your own way here on your own plane, didn’t you?”
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association
“Kevin Hart was fired from the Oscars because of some offensive tweets. Hello? Lucky for me, the Hollywood Foreign Press can barely speak English and they have no idea what Twitter is. So I got offered this gig by fax.”
“Many talented people of colour were snubbed in major categories. Unfortunately there’s nothing we can do about that: The Hollywood Foreign Press are all very, very racist. We were going to do an in memoriam this year, but when I saw the list of people that died, it wasn’t diverse enough. It was mostly white people and I thought, ‘No. Not on my watch.’”