Chrissy Teigen penned an emotional note over the loss of her son as she prepped for endometriosis surgery, saying she was full of regret over not seeing Jack’s face when he was born.
Teigen reflected on the loss as Jack’s due date approaches, sharing a series of images from a shoot in Mexico when she pregnant with Jack, her third child with singer-songwriter John Legend. The couple are parents to two children, Luna and Miles.
“These are from our video shoot for Wild in Mexico. I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy. I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand on belly trick at the end. I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks [sic],” she wrote on Instagram.
“Not sure I’ll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so. He would have been here any day now - if he were like Luna and Miles, I’d probably be holding him as we speak.”
“I am so full of regret that I didn’t look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams,” she further wrote.
Teigen added that she continues to be filled with remorse.
“This month is a rough reminder and to be honest, I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule. Love you guys to pieces and am grateful for all your support and love. I firmly believe energy and healing travels through the night sky and I feel it, I promise I do. and I love you jack. I miss you so so much,” she wrote.
Teigen has been candid on social media about the process of mourning Jack, sharing intimate pictures of the birth of her son and saying goodbye to him as he died.
“We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before,” she wrote in the caption. “We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough,” she posted at the time, with a series of raw, black and white images from the hospital.
About a month later, Teigen penned a moving Medium essay about the loss of Jack and explained why she wanted to take such intimate photos of her and her husband in the hospital.
“I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time,” she wrote. “But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.”