Calvin Harris and Zayn Malik in angry exchange over Taylor Swift

It was the perfect storm of celebrity social media, so perfect that it might have been scripted. Two A-list pop stars? Check. Arguing about Taylor Swift? Check. Involving bitterness between present and former members of One Direction? Check. And did Nicki Minaj get involved? Check. In fact, the only thing missing from the Twitter spat between Zayn Malik and Calvin Harris was Azealia Banks weighing in.

The row began with Malik retweeting a post from another user entirely (a retweet he has since deleted), which contrasted two quotes from Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus, the former talking about her pulling her music from Spotify, the latter saying: “I’ve made my money. If no one buys my album, cool. It’s fine. I’ve got a house, and I’ve got dogs that I love. I don’t need anything else.”

That prompted Harris, Swift’s boyfriend, to respond angrily, tweeting to Malik and the original poster his disgust. “@FemaleTexts @zaynmalik You’ve made your money? Cool...[expletive] the 99 per cent of musicians who depend on these services to survive right? Yeah [expletive] em”

He continued.

“If u don’t get what it means when a successful artist uses their celebrity to benefit every other musician and songwriter in the industry... While u kids are refresh voting teen choice awards there’s some poor [expletive] in a basement making your new favourite record trying to survive... Meaning... stay out of things you don’t understand [sic].”

That prompted the former 1D star to reply angrily: “ha you just made an absolute fool of yourself mate ... you clearly didn’t understand what I just said either.” He then went personal.

“@CalvinHarris so i suggest you calm your knickers before them dentures fall out... Oh and I write my own [expletive] too [expletive].”

Harris became conciliatory at this point, insisting: “all good, it was the quote not you personally mate” and “best of luck, genuinely. You’ve got a great voice.”

Too late, alas, for other members of the celebritysphere had seen the row, and were metaphorically gathering around, chanting “Fight! Fight! Fight!”

Nicki Minaj took sides subtly, favouriting a tweet from a non-celebrity, who had responded to Malik’s insistence that he “writes his own [expletive] too” with the words “oh, damn. alright” and a couple of quizzically faced emojis. And Malik’s former 1D bandmate Louis Tomlinson also engaged in some taking-sides-by-favouriting, offering his approval to Harris’s first, angry reply to Malik.

You don’t get 1D and Taylor Swift at the centre of a Twitterstorm every day (it just feels like it), but the row — fortunately — has not yet caused the internet to break.