Gene Hackman's death and our culture of isolation

The death of 95-year-old Hollywood legend Gene Hackman made me really sad. Not because he was my favourite villain in a Superman film, but because here was a man who was celebrated and venerated his whole life only to die a lonely, heartbreaking death where even his own children did not know what had happened. The details of his death and that of his wife and caregiver, 65-year-old Betsy Arakawa are chilling. Hackman’s body was found in one room of their sprawling home, while Arakawa was found dead in the bathroom. Their dog was dead in his crate. Authorities say Arakawa appears to have died first from a virus that travels through rodents and that Hackman, who had severe Alzheimers and heart disease, died 7 days later. Officials say he may not even have been aware that his wife of 30 years was gone. The dog may have starved to death.

One cannot even imagine how horrible and scary it must have been for Gene Hackman, who was unable to comprehend what was happening, and not even able to make a phone call. His stomach was empty when he died, indicating that he may not have eaten at all in the days since Betsy died. 

His wife was his sole caregiver and US media has reported on how she did everything for him, taking care of his every need. Both chose to live a very secluded life in Santa Fe. Obviously, they had prepared for a life where he would go first. But life is not predictable. 

Hackman’s death should get us thinking- how did one of the most famous men in the world die such a lonely death? For so many days, he and his wife were not seen or heard from. None of their neighbours cared to find out, none of their so-called friends cared to check-in. They were found dead by a maintenance man. Most sad of all, none of Hackman’s children seemed to have bothered either. Did any of them stay in touch, or pick up the phone? I don’t know what the family dynamic was, but can you be so cut off from a parent to not even know how they are doing for weeks and months on end?

What kind of a world do we live in where children can seemingly go on living their own lives, tossing their old parents aside? Where neighbours don’t bother to say hello and check in to see if we are ok. What kind of a world do we live in where isolation appears to have become a virtue? It is a world where most people substitute text messages for actual phone calls (forget face-to-face meetings), where emojis are used to express an emotion rather than actually typing it out, let alone verbally saying it, where more and more of us are withdrawing into our shells. What does it say about us as a society that the elderly, who once nurtured us, are left alone to die? 

I have no doubt that the pandemic played a big part in all this. Hackman and his wife too withdrew from public life after COVID and were hardly seen around town. His death should also be a lesson to those who are caregivers. You can’t do it alone. A vital mistake that Hackman and his wife made was his total dependence on her. They probably never imagined that as 30 years his junior, she would be the one to die first. Actor Bruce Willis has been battling dementia since 2022 and his wife has opened up since Hackman and Arakawa’s deaths, about the challenges that caregivers face. Emma Heming has pointed out that caregivers need care too and there is a misconception that they don’t need any extra help.

But most of all, we need to ask ourselves what has happened to our community? Old-age homes are no longer symbols of life in the West. They have mushroomed in India too. Abuse against the elderly has been on the rise. I don’t know what kind of any longer world we live in but I do know we need to reclaim our values. If anything, Hackman’s death has only highlighted what a self-absorbed society we live in.