New Delhi: India's elderly who shy away from the idea of marriage for fear of legal complications, inheritance disagreements or liability of an unsuitable partner at a ripe age are finding reasons to rejoice. More and more senior citizens, no matter divorcees, widowers or widows, or just individuals, are all warming up to the revolutionary concept of live-in companionship, thanks to the initiatives of a few good Samaritans across the country.
And if you thought live-in relationships were only for youngsters, then this new trend will surely change your perception. In order to escape pangs of separation and loneliness, a large number of the elderly in India are redeeming their lives through live-in companionship.
To help the eager elderly, Vina Mulya Amulya Seva, a non-governmental organisation (NGO) headed by 60-year-old Natubhai Patel, brings together prospective spouses at a fair without charging a rupee. In fact, the NGO lives up to its name meaning "priceless service".
To date, the organisation has held 34 such fairs in Bengaluru in Karnataka, Kota in Rajasthan and Ahmedabad and Surat in Gujarat, of which five have been exclusively for people over 50 years of age.
Earthquake
Patel, who wants to hold similar fairs in all metropolitan cities of India, particularly Mumbai, explains that the inspiration for these fairs came after the Supreme Court's recent ruling holding live-in relationships as legal. However, the devastating earthquake of January 26, 2001 made him actually sit up and roll his eyes for those separated from their near and dear ones.
"I saw how the lives of thousands were destroyed in a matter of seconds. While many people perished, many others were left behind without their spouses. This gave me the idea to bring people together on a common platform irrespective of caste, community and creed so that they can find life partners and initiate the process of settling down once again in their lives," he adds.
Such fairs are free of charge and all men and women who have crossed the age of 50 are qualified to attend. Male candidates below the age of 50 are, however, required to pay a nominal sum of Rs50 (Dh3.5) as registration. Interestingly, the fair organisers provided transportation fees to the women who came from outside Gujarat to attend the event held on November 21 in Ahmedabad. All participating women were also given a sari.
Almost 1,000 applicants out of the 3,000 wanted to go in for a live-in companion this time, instead of facing all kinds of social and legal complexities linked with marriage. However, many women still would like to marry, but are also comfortable with a live-in partner if they are given financial security.
"We received applications of 2,500 men and 350 women for matchmaking this time, out of which 500 men and 25 women responded positively for the live-in relationship option. However, when we first organised such a fair, we were a bit apprehensive about the response but nearly 150 people turned up for it. We never expected such a response way back in 2001. And there has absolutely been no looking back since then," Patel says.
The next such event will be held in Bhopal in Madhya Pradesh on February 19.
The Hindu religion has always given great prominence to women and a live-in relation is not looked down on in the scriptures. But at the same time, such relationships are not condoned. In India, live-in relationships, particularly among the elderly, are generally indulged in by people who try to conform to Western standards of behaviour.
In India, the law is on the side of the woman in such relationships, with the Supreme Court ruling a woman in a live-in relationship is entitled to maintenance just like a wife.
"The way our society is moving, live-in companionship among senior citizens is one revolutionary development. This may become a way of life in probably the next ten to 15 years," 67-year-old Delhi-based businessman Kanan Rathore says.
Talking about the need for such an event, Delhi-based Ramit says: "This is wonderful. Absolutely revolutionary. Kudos to those who are organising and kudos to those are taking the crucial plunge through such fairs."
For senior citizens, it provides them with a partner to just be with them in their lonely days, 47-year-old New Delhi-based Sidharth Srivastava, who separated from his wife two years ago, says.
Understanding
For most, sex is not a consideration at this age. What one seeks is companionship.
Amita Sharma, a 52-year-old divorcee from Delhi, craves the company of someone who can pamper her. But she does not want to marry someone in haste. Similarly, 61-year-old Rachit Dubey feels lonely after the marriage of his daughter and is excited about having a live-in partner. However, he is very picky about who to settle down with.
However, there are some who disagree.
"Live-in or not, a relationship breaks down on account of an individual's follies and not because of his status of living," 54-year-old Dilbar Rana from Ahmedabad says.
Likewise, 55-year-old single parent Sunita Chhabra in the national capital says: "Compatibility cannot be assessed like this [a live-in relationship.] It comes with understanding, commitment and by valuing the sentiments of the other."
