Dubai: “I want to read the letter my son left behind before his death,” said the Dubai-based father of A.S., a 16-year-old schoolboy in Sharjah whose suicide on February 27 this year jolted many in the UAE.
This is a father who is desperately seeking answers for his irreparable loss. That morning, the boy left home seemingly normal. He had eaten breakfast, kissed his mother goodbye and looked like he was heading out to sit for his Grade 12 exam. Instead, he went into the pump room located on the terrace of his building and ended his life.
The family was in Kerala, India, to complete the last rites for their son when Gulf News spoke to them over the telephone. The father hoped that his son’s case would serve as a wake-up call for academicians, parents and children on the importance of keeping communication channels open at all times.
“He had expressed his intentions in his chemistry answer sheet [that he wished to end his life]. It was shown to us by the school headmaster. When my wife read a couple of paragraphs he had written, it dawned upon us that something had been amiss.”
The father wishes to convey to all parents the importance of communicating with their children to know what is going on in their head. “Let my son serve as an example for parents so that they give their children the opportunity to express themselves. I was unable to understand my son and if you ask me the reason for it, I do not have an answer. Why did he do it? Even he can’t tell me now because he is no more.”
The father is agonised over the signs he did not spot in time. Outwardly, he said, his son looked full of life “but there were times when I felt he was a loner. He was a very articulate child and that’s perhaps the reason why none around him were able to read his mind”. He is now determined to do the best he can to know how his younger son, aged 13, thinks and feels about everything.
But this is not an isolated case in the UAE. Three other teen suicides have been reported since January this year, making it a topic of discussion and debate among parents, teachers and school counsellors.
While parents have a big responsibility towards ensuring their child’s physical, emotional and psychological well-being, how can schools contribute towards the same?
Elizabeth Surya, a school counsellor with Delhi Private School, Sharjah, meets students on a regular basis to attend to their problems. The baseline issue, according to her, is that “students are not able to cope or manage their tasks on time which adds to their stress”.
In terms of the precautionary measures schools put into place, she refers to the CLP. “We have Comprehensive Learning Platform (CLP). It is a school intra website where parents and teachers can contact each other for issues concerning students. There are several instances when parents and students approach the school counsellor for help or advice.” A teacher too, she says, sometimes identifies a problem in a child and ”we call the parents and have a chat with them. We apprise them on our observations and try to understand their viewpoint as well.
“We also conduct home visits in situations where the student is unable to express himself to his or her parents.”
According to Surya, students appearing for board examinations can experience a very high level of stress. Factors that weigh heavy on their mind can be fear of underachievement and their ability to meet the high expectations set by their parents.
“We have seen parents of children attending primary school putting a lot pressure on them. We request them to loosen up so their children can be free of stress and pressure at such a tender age. Under such pressure [from parents] the child freaks out,” said Surya.
Another school counsellor, who did not wish to be named, attributed the excessive stress students grapple with to the hectic schedule they are forced to follow every day.
“I had an 11-year-old schoolgirl who was exceptional in her studies as well as in extra-curricular activities. All of a sudden, she began to perform poorly in both. She also became aloof. When we spoke to her about it, she revealed that her schedule was packed with after-school classes which left her with no time to play. She was forced to go to all the classes whether she liked them or not. Whenever she tried to express her feelings, the grown-ups around her, including her parents, dismissed her feelings saying she was just a child who did not know what was good or bad for her.
“So we decided to have a word with her parents. Initially, they were not willing to loosen their grip on her schedule. They were high achievers and wanted the same for her. We ended up counselling them more than the student. In the end, however, they came around and, today, the girl is back to being her energetic self,” said the counsellor.
