Dubai: The recent alleged sexual assault of a four-year-old girl by her school bus driver and two conductors has raised fear among parents, along with many questions about how to protect a small child against a similar attack.
Keeping children safe is the main concern of every parent, and according to Dr Raymond H. Hamden, Clinical and Forensic Psychologist at Human Relations Institute, there are eight points to keeping your child safe, and the first is educating them about sex.
"Even at a very young age like two or three, you can tell them when you wash them that only mom and dad can wash you, but no one else," Dr Hamden said.
Secondly, talk to your child about sexual matters. Tell them to beware people who may try to touch them, he said.
The third point is sex education in the school system, which must be taught by a physical education or science teacher along with parents and clergy, who should be involved with teachers and parents in teaching the religious aspect of it.
"When you do that in school, you find less problems with teenagers as well," he added.
The fourth point is building an open and trusting relationship with children and making them comfortable to go to parents and talk to them. "Parents must understand that sex is a normal part of human development. It is from God, not the devil," Dr Hamden said. The fifth point is explaining to children the difference between good secrets and bad secrets. For example, arranging a surprise birthday party is a good secret.
Trusting relationship
"Offenders will threaten children by telling them that no one will believe you, or if you breathe a word I will kill you or take your dad away. They may also attempt to convince the child that what they are doing is ok," he said.
This is why parents and children should have a trusting relationship and children should trust the parents to help them. Sixth is telling children that they have human rights, which will make them feel safe. Another point is letting them know that you love them all the time and anyone who tells them the opposite is a liar and a bad person, Dr Hamden said. "The eighth point is telling children that you always want them with you," he added.
Both genders vulnerable
Child sexual abuse is when someone uses a child for his or her own sexual pleasure and gratification. An abuser may be a man or woman, or another child or adolescent. Both boys and girls can be abused, and sometimes from an early age.
Sexual abuse of children includes sexual touching of any part of the body, clothed or unclothed, encouraging a child to engage in sexual activity, or intentionally engaging in sexual activity in front of a child, as well as meeting a child following sexual grooming, or preparation, with the intention of abusing them.
Taking, making, permitting to take, distributing, showing or advertising indecent images of children, paying for the sexual services of a child or encouraging them into prostitution or pornography or showing a child images of sexual activity including photographs, videos or via webcams are also considered sexual abuse of children.
Tell-tale signs
Sometimes a child who is being abused will show the following types of behaviour. He or she may
- start to avoid being alone with a particular family member
- show unexpected fear of an adult or be reluctant to socialise with them
- try to tell you about the abuse indirectly, through hints or clues. For example, he or she may talk about being asked to keep a secret or ask anxious questions about the family being broken up or daddy being taken away
- describe behaviour by an adult that suggests your child is being groomed for future abuse
- start to behave aggressively, or to have sleep problems or to wet the bed
- refuse to attend school or suddenly lose concentration and start performing badly at school
- display sexually inappropriate behaviour, including use of sexual language and sexual information which you would not expect them to know
- appear depressed, withdrawn or complain about physical ailments that don't have a medical explanation
- have physical symptoms
How should I react if my child tells me that he or she has been sexually abused?
- you will naturally feel very upset, but it is important that you do not react in a way that will add to your child's distress.
- your child needs to know that he or she is not to blame.
- make it clear that you do not doubt what he or she says
- allow your child to talk about what has happened, but do not force him or her to do so
- tell your child that he or she has done the right thing in telling you. Don't blame him or her if the abuse occurred because he or she disobeyed your instructions, for example, going out without your permission
- he or she may also need to hear you tell that you love him or her
- do not seek to confront the abuser yourself
- make sure you receive expert support
Information provided by Dr Raymond H. Hamden
