You have something on your mind… you continuously think about it. The thought gets deeper and you start worrying about circumstances, events and potential possibilities and then you could end up having conflicting thoughts racing through your head.
Unfortunately, to ‘over-think’ is a natural part of life for many of us, even when we are not aware that we are doing it.
Of course, it is vital we all think constructively. Reflecting on the past can be good for us — having memories that we like to hold onto, but equally important is to let go of the more painful ones.
There is nothing wrong with pondering on your current career and life goals, then planning how to achieve your aspirations.
Jenny is an unmarried, 35-year-old client of mine who owns two residential properties — one in central London and another in the suburbs. But she cannot decide in which property to live.
Consequently, she sits for hours and hours thinking about the decision whether to live in London and be isolated from her family and friends or to move nearer to them in the suburbs. This thinking — and rethinking — has been going on for over eight months.
Which property should she live in? And which needs to be rented out as an investment? She is so stressed about this that she can think of nothing else and it is now my job to help her to discipline her mindset to try to cease over-thinking and to come to a firm decision.
Of course, there will be times when you will regret missed opportunities and bad decisions, and we are all guilty of that at some time. Or you may be worried about the future — your family, your income, your health or your career choice.
However, you need to avoid a ‘thinking overload’ whereby information goes around and around in your head with no resultant resolution. It is similar to revving the car’s engine without it being in gear — the vehicle remains stationary and just wastes valuable fuel.
When we over-think, it often means that our brain leads us to make erroneous assumptions, which in many cases can be negative.
Breaking the cycle is not easy — unlike a computer, there is no ‘off’ switch. However, some of the following suggestions might be of help:
Career
Do you consistently over-think about your career? If you are unhappy with where you are or what you have done to date, then you need to become proactive and to start exploring options.
Relationships
If you think you might have upset someone or done something embarrassing, then contact whoever was involved to determine whether you need to apologise. It may be that the incident was inconsequential and has long been forgotten by the other person. But it is still at the forefront of your mind — so now might be an opportune time to make a determined effort to stop thinking about it.
Or maybe the reason why a particular friend or colleague has not contacted you is because he, or she, is busy and not because they don’t like you.
Challenge your personal beliefs
Our beliefs can be either real or imagined and it is all too easy to exaggerate these. Our inner voice may well be making incorrect negative assumptions and by challenging them, we can lessen such incessant over-thinking.
Be patient
Breaking a cycle of over-thinking does not happen overnight but, with practice, it is certainly possible. The first step is to recognise that you have a mindset that often goes into a negative over-thinking mode automatically.
When you do so, chances are you lose the focus on the bigger picture. To overcome this, you may possibly need a therapist or other professional help — but it will be well worth it because it is important your mind learns how to switch off and focus on those issues that will take you forward and make a measurable difference to your life.
Key points
We all need peace of mind to work efficiently.
Breaking a cycle of over-thinking is important.
Over-thinking can lead to losing focus on the bigger picture.
— The author is a BBC Guest-Broadcaster and Motivational Speaker. She is CEO of an international Stress Management consultancy and the author of Show Stress Who’s Boss!.
