How much do you believe in yourself and in your own ability? Can you handle rejection and criticism in an objective and healthy manner? Or does a single, negative comment demolish your confidence?
Self-esteem is an integral part of personal happiness, fulfilled relationships and personal achievement.
People who judge themselves honestly and correctly mostly cope with life’s problems better than people who don’t. Self-esteem is all about how you see yourself.
If you don’t think you are any good, then others will think the same of you as you do of yourself. If you possess high self-esteem, you will be unlikely to stay in a bad relationship because you will have the confidence to know that you would be better living alone than with someone who can damage your self-esteem.
Of course, we all experience challenges that can dent our confidence, but with a strong self-worth, we are better equipped to survive them than individuals who have a weak regard for themselves.
In this context, it is interesting to note that there are many people who appear confident on the outside — particularly in their jobs — but underneath can have quite a low opinion of self-worth. This means that they can also be very vulnerable.
There are many individuals who don’t like the reflection of themselves that they see in the mirror. They see only faults and failure. They feel no confidence or joy, only embarrassment, shame or, even, anger.
Here are some comments made by my clients when they have a poor self-image:
* ‘I get very upset when someone criticises me’.
* ‘People find me boring in a social context’.
* ‘I think that I will never progress any further in my career’.
* ‘I lack confidence in the presence of others’.
* ‘If things go badly, I think it is always my fault’.
* ‘I don’t believe my opinion matters to others’.
* ‘I don’t really deserve to be happy’.
Dealing with people who have low self-esteem can be really hard. Mouthing platitudes such as ‘Life is great’… ‘We are lucky to be alive’, etc., may not ease the negativity that the person feels, but may well upset or even irritate them.
Choosing the right words is the key. People with low self-esteem are highly sensitive and have a propensity to take things the wrong way. They will often unintentionally magnify things that are said to them, focus on the negative aspect and forget about the positive.
They will tend to internalise any negativity and take it personally as harsh criticism.
Overcoming life’s challenges is a daily activity for all of us, but one that is essential. However, for the individual with low self-esteem, even the smallest thing such as entering a room full of people, speaking in public, meeting new friends or applying for a job can cause them to feel helpless.
What can be done
Sometimes, it is not just the words that are shared with those with low self-esteem, it is more about being there for them so that they do not feel alone.
This includes listening attentively to them so that they feel you are giving time and showing them that their opinion matters.
Sharing similar problems and situations that you have both experienced can help someone feel better about themselves.
Giving someone genuine praise and/or acknowledgement for work well done is a great technique to boost confidence and enhance emotional resilience. Don’t forget that just a few words, at the right time in the right place, can be worth more than gold to the recipient.
However, praising just for the sake of praising will not be helpful and they will see through you very easily. You have to mean the words that you say.
If, for instance, the person needs some help at work with a particular project, then make the time to work with them so that they feel more confident. Partnering a person with low self-esteem with someone with high self-esteem can work well, but make sure that the person who is lacking in confidence doesn’t feel in awe of the other person.
A sensitive approach here is very important.
Key points
* Many people suffer from a poor self-image.
* Attentive listening as well as praise are very important.
* Emotional resilience needs to be nurtured.
