‘Pagalpanti’ review: John Abraham, Anil Kapoor film is a hot mess

My eyes, my eyes! How do you un-see a terrible comedy concoction like ‘Pagalpanti’? To say the Bollywood comedy — starring John Abraham, Anil Kapoor, Arshad Warsi, Saurabh Shukla and Pulkit Samrat — is an assault on our senses would be an understatement and wouldn’t cover the depths of our despair. ‘Pagalpanti’ is a chaotic comedy of errors that makes you want to pull your eyeballs out from sheer frustration. How this hare-brained comedy get greenlit may remain one of the biggest mysteries of 2019.

The Plot: It’s a potpourri of plots and it’s all over the place. It isn’t easy to nail this convoluted film, but here goes: A bumbling trio of friends played by Abraham, Warsi and Samrat, set up a firecracker business of their own in the UK that goes bust. Abraham is considered a bad omen, according to an astrologer and anything that he touches turns to dust. They become penniless when their firecracker business fizzles out and they end up working for two mobsters (Shukla and Kapoor) in desperation. Enter Niraj Modi, a spoof on the real-life diamond tycoon (Nirav Modi) who cheated India out of billions and sought asylum in the UK. They get embroiled in a string of messy and sticky situations where car blasts and chases are common. The highly physical comedy is an attempt at taking a swipe at business tycoons-turned-thieves who become asylum seekers, but merely changing the character’s name to Niraj Modi and hiring an actor who bears a close resemblance to the real person doesn’t stick. ‘Pagalpanti’ is a classic example of too many actors spoiling the fun and froth.

The Acting: Physical comedy is expected from each one of the actors and hamming could be the natural casualty. While Shukla, Kapoor and Warsi are good at what they do and breathe life into the sporadically witty lines, Abraham disappoints. The latter is expected to do some heavy lifting, but he simply doesn’t have the prowess and the nimbleness as an actor to carry off this role on his sculpted shoulders. Abraham flounders considerably, but Warsi and Samrat are relatively better. Usually, seasoned actors like Akshay Kumar are paired with Abraham so that the buffed-up actor’s flaws are glossed over. But there’s no veteran like Kumar to rescue him here. He’s expected to fly solo, but he fails miserably. The women don’t fare better either. Kriti Kharabanda, as the mobster’s spoilt, pampered daughter is supposed to be an arrogant airhead and she grates on your nerves as a woman-child. There’s nothing sweet about an over-indulged rich woman. Urvashi Rautela as a professional dancer stuck in the UK after her passport gets stolen seems like an unnecessary prop added into the mix of chaos. Of all the women, it’s Illena D’Cruz who fares better. Her frustration at being cheated by Abraham’s character makes her interesting.

What I liked: There’s hardly any redeeming features in this film.

What I disliked: The list is long. Making fun of people’s physical appearances — the tainted diamond tycoon is short and bald in real life — is so last season. And throwing in a real-life fraudster in a chaotic comedy feels misplaced and manipulative. The jokes rarely land and songs with lyrics that translate to “Girl from UP with a curvaceous body” doesn’t help their case either. It’s painfully regressive. The writing is sloppy and the plot meanders with umpteen characters flooding the climax. At one point, two lions enter the frame as if the dozens of bumbling characters weren’t enough to kill us.

Verdict: Avoid this comedy with all your might. It’s a movie which will induce a migraine, even for those who don’t suffer from that condition.

Movie: Pagalpanti; Stars: 1 out of 5