Dubai: Worried if your child will grow up to be happy and successful? Hand them a baby-sized broom.
Chores are apparently a great way to help your children grow up to be adults who are not just successful, but also happier.
Multiple studies appear to connect the presence of chores in a child’s life to the happiness and success he or she enjoys as an adult. So, ignore the grumbling over the pesky chores and put in place a system where your children are regularly encouraged to complete everyday tasks around the house.
Here’s why.
An early and strong work ethic
Dr Habib Abdullah, a paediatric clinical psychologist at at Mubadala Health Dubai and Danat Al Emarat Hospital, spoke about how chores can benefit children on the long term.
“It helps children with a few key things – it teaches them how to deal with frustration, face adversity and experience delayed gratification. These are the three key things we want children to have,” he said.
It teaches them how to deal with frustration, face adversity and experience delayed gratification. These are the three key things we want children to have.
As he puts it, children want the “here and now”. Always. And chores are a great way to introduce a mechanism that helps them develop skills they otherwise won’t be able to.
Mercedes Sheen, head of Psychology Department, School of Social Sciences, Heriot-Watt University Dubai, agreed.
“Recent research has shown that children who engage in age-appropriate household chores, such as cleaning or cooking, are more likely to do well at school and develop better problem-solving abilities. More importantly, doing chores increases self-esteem, provides a strong sense of responsibility, and better equips children to deal with frustration and delayed gratification. These traits are all essential for when they grow up because they enable people to manage their time, meet deadlines, fulfil commitments, and handle responsibilities effectively. Providing children with the opportunity to learn these important life skills at an early age can also equip them to manage their careers and future lives successfully,” she said.
“Despite our children having busy schedules, it is still important that they contribute to the running of the household and parents should encourage children to contribute to the family by presenting chores as a way for them to feel accomplished and needed. For instance, setting the table can demonstrate to children that they are valued members of the family, which can boost their sense of belonging. Moreover, assigning weekly chores allows children the opportunity to develop a variety of executive functioning skills including memory, attention, organisation, time-management and planning, all of which will be useful in the future,” she added.
“Doing chores can develop a strong work ethic in children. As they complete tasks regularly, they learn the satisfaction that comes with hard work and achieving goals. This work ethic can translate to their future careers, making them more disciplined and motivated employees or entrepreneurs,” she said.
As they complete tasks regularly, they learn the satisfaction that comes with hard work and achieving goals. This work ethic can translate to their future careers, making them more disciplined and motivated employees or entrepreneurs.
- Time management skills
- Organisational skills
- Accepting responsibility in the family
- Opportunity for success, boosts self-confidence
- Ability to balance work and play and subsequently achieve a better work-life balance
- How to function independently
But if you find yourself being a parent who has never created a culture of children completing chores in your household, it can be difficult to know where to start. Dr Abdullah recommends splitting the approach to two main aspects – setting the general rules around chores and knowing which kind of chores would be appropriate for your child’s age.
No such thing as too young
“First of all, start giving children chores as early as two or three years of age. The earlier you start, the easier it will be for them. If you introduce the concept of chores later in their life, it will be harder,’ he said.
“Speaking about the general rules around chores, first you need to set clear and reasonable expectations. For example, you could say: ‘Please take out the trash and put it next to the door’, or ‘Take the plate and put it on the table’. Then, establish a routine as it also helps them have clear expectations and get into the habit of doing chores. So, at the end of the night they will know that the trash bags need to move, they can predict that. Don’t keep changing the rules, we all like consistency,” he said.
“Also, for younger children, make it more engaging and fun. Starting a reward chart, some children love it. They can get one or two stickers at the end of each task and after they get enough stickers, they can get a reward or a treat at the end of it. The visualisation helps a lot and we highly recommend it when we are having a compliance issue with children,” he added.
Chores should not be just a children’ learning exercise, it is important for you to assign tasks and chores which you would normally be doing as well.
“Children do what they see not what they hear. Be a good role model. Please make sure you do your assigned responsibilities as well,” he said.
Don’t be overly critical or rigid
“Always give positive feedback. If you see that the child has taken the plates and kept them in the sink but not washed them, don’t immediately criticise the fact that they didn’t wash the dishes. Instead, acknowledge what they have done and then encourage them to wash them as well.
“It is also very important to be flexible at times. Nothing is concrete and it is important for parents to know when not to push. May be their room is messy once in a while, it is not the end of the world. It is important to remember that may be the child has had a bad day, and don’t be too rigid. It is important to approach chores in moderation – if you are too flexible, they will not take the responsibility seriously and always push to get out of it, if you are too rigid, that is not good either. It is important to do it in moderation,” he said.
Two to three years old - Asking them to put their toys away, handing grocery items to you while you keep them in the fridge, or asking them to put their shirt on, after which you can help them with putting on their buttons.
Four to five years old – Cleaning the pet, making their bed, putting their pillow the right way, clearing the dinner table.
Six to eight years old - Wipe the counter, putting away laundry, cleaning up around the house.
Nine to 10 years old - Unloading the dishwasher, helping you make their own meals and packing their own food.
10 years old and above – Changing the sheet, cleaning the kitchen.
12 years old and above – Washing the car with their siblings, helping with grocery shopping or running errands.
I have a nanny/housekeeper … how can I still assign chores to my child?
“It is important for parents to openly communicate the impact that having home help, in the form of a nanny or maid, can have on the family and the importance of everyone contributing to the household chores and playing their part,” Mercedes said.
“Parents should also model this behaviour on their children, by doing chores themselves, so that children can understand why their participation in household chores matters. Moreover, these conversations can help them understand that house help is there to support the family, not to replace the family members’ responsibilities entirely,” she added.
Help your children help themselves
Dr Abdullah also had some simple words of advice for parents who may still be reluctant to make their children do the cooking or cleaning around the house.
“We all want to save our children from every possible headache and heartache, but that’s not how the world works. When we act like the snow plough, removing every obstacle from their path, we are disabling them from learning how to deal with things. I always tell parents, you are not punishing your children by giving them chores, you are not being negative towards them. You are helping them and making them more resilient towards how they are going to deal with their lives.”
