Mum guilt is draining women—here’s why it’s time to stop choosing between career and kids

You’re not doing enough.

You should’ve been home earlier.

You missed her bedtime story.

You missed your work deadline.

It’s the relentless inner monologue so many mothers know by heart. That guilt-soaked tug between looking after a child, and nurturing your own ambition. The pressure to be everything, everywhere, without dropping a single ball.

Society often frames it as a choice: career or children. As if fulfillment in one cancels out the other. But for Sahar Zarringhalam, the moment her daughter was born, it became clear—this binary was broken. “There was no routine anymore,” she recalls. “And the more I tried to impose one, the more overwhelmed I felt. I kept asking myself: Am I doing enough? Am I failing at both?”

That question haunted her, until she realised it wasn’t hers alone. So many women quietly absorb the message that exhaustion is a rite of passage, that their own needs can wait, that asking for support is somehow indulgent. “I began to notice just how much silent pain women carry,” she says. “We’ve normalised burnout, hormonal swings, and emotional fatigue because the generations before us did.”

Rather than accept it, she chose to challenge it. Her experience led her to create Blaura—not as a brand or a business pitch, but as a space to reflect what was missing: community, care, and room to just be. A place that didn’t ask mothers to prove they were worthy of rest, but assumed it. Where healing wasn’t a reward for reaching the edge, but a right woven into daily life.  “For the longest time, I thought I had to choose—be the devoted mother or the driven founder,” she says. “But when what you build comes from your truth, you realise the two can actually strengthen each other.”

Blaura, at its core, grew from that realisation: that it’s possible to hold your children and your dreams at the same time. And that motherhood doesn’t diminish ambition—it can deepen it. “You don’t have to wait for your children to grow up before you start,” she says. “Sometimes, motherhood is the very reason you finally do.” The path isn’t always neat or linear. But it is possible to show up for yourself and for your family—without apology. To lead without guilt. To pause without shame. To bloom in the midst of the mess.

And maybe, just maybe, the greatest lesson we can pass on to our children is not how well we balanced it all, but how bravely we chose to try.

Her biggest success: Apart from a flourishing business, is how she still manages to make it in time to read stories to her children.

So, if you feel mom guilt, here are a few tips on how to deal with it.

Redefine what enough means

Many mothers feel like they’re falling short because they’re chasing an unrealistic ideal. ‘Enough’ doesn’t mean perfect. It means being present, showing love, and doing your best with the time, energy, and resources you have that day. Let that be enough.

Focus on what you gave, and what you missed

It’s easy to spiral into guilt over the moments you weren’t there. Instead, gently shift your focus to what you did contribute that day, no matter how small. A meaningful conversation, a shared laugh, or simply being emotionally available counts.

Surround yourself with honest support

Being in the company of other women who don’t pretend to have it all together helps. Whether it’s a friend, a mentor, or a parent group, seek out spaces where you can be vulnerable without fear of judgment. Isolation feeds guilt; connection helps dissolve it.

Trace the source of the guilt

Before accepting guilt as truth, ask where it’s coming from. Is it from comparison? Cultural expectations? An outdated idea of what a ‘good mother’  looks like? Identifying the source helps you challenge whether it deserves to stay.

Embrace the complexity

It’s not either/or. You can feel deeply committed to your children and also crave time for your career or your own growth. You can feel joy and overwhelm in the same hour. Holding both emotions doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.

Be the example, not the ideal

Your children are learning not just from what you do for them, but how you treat yourself. Showing them self-compassion, boundaries, and the courage to follow your own path teaches more than perfection ever could.

Reframe the narrative in writing

At the end of the day, if guilt shows up, write it down. Ask: What am I feeling? What triggered it? Is this belief really true? Then replace it with a gentler, more honest thought. This small ritual helps turn guilt into reflection, and reflection into clarity.