Simple ways to teach younger children about consent

It's essential for parents to teach their children about bodily autonomy and consent as early as possible, which starts from when they are verbal at about the age of two. But broaching the topic can be tricky. Early Intervention Specialist Rafia Amber shares some everyday examples that parents can use to familiarize younger kids with the concept of consent…

GIVE KIDS CHOICES: Some choices they can make include: “Do you want to wear starry PJs tonight or these dino ones?” “Which book are we reading; Elmer the elephant or The Very Hungry Caterpillar?” “Can I kiss you goodnight?” Respect their answer.

MODEL CONSENT YOURSELF: Model consent by asking permission before you change their clothes or wash their body in the shower. Wait for them to say yes before you proceed. “Can I help you wash your back now?”

SHOW THEM YOU RESPECT THEIR ‘NO’S: Children must understand that ‘No’ and ‘Stop’ are important words, to be honoured at all times. If you are tickling them and they scream “Stop, stop” even as they’re laughing and having fun, stop tickling them immediately.

ASK FOR PERMISSION TO TOUCH – AND OFFER ALTERNATIVES: Encourage your children to ask for permission before touching, hugging or showing any kind of physical affection. For example, if Maha wants to hug her friend goodbye, you can say: “Maha, let’s ask Ali if he wants a hug right now!” If Ali clearly says ‘No’, or does not say ‘Yes’, you can cheerfully ask your child to wave or high-five goodbye instead. “That’s okay, let’s wave bye bye to Ali!”

DON’T FORCE THEM TO RECEIVE AFFECTION: Similarly, do not force them to receive affection either, even from their aunts or uncles. “Would you like to kiss Uncle Adam goodbye?” If they say no, respect their choice. “It’s ok, you can wave her goodbye, or blow her a kiss?”

TEACH THEM TO RESPECT ‘NO’S THEMSELVES We must teach our children that when somebody says No, or Stop, they must discontinue their behavior. “Ali said no, and when we hear No, we must stop what we are doing immediately. No matter what.” Also tell them that their No and Stop has to be respected and followed through by their friends. “If you don’t like something and say No, your friend should stop. If they do not stop, it is okay to not play with them anymore.” Intervene on their behalf if you have to and politely let the other child know the importance of honouring someone’s No and Stop.

READ A STORYBOOK ABOUT CONSENT Reading a book about Consent also helps in making this concept easier and simpler for children to understand. It also gives you a range of characters and situations to talk about as examples. ‘No Means No!’ by Janeen Sanders is a great book about Consent that can be read with as little as 3 year olds. Teaching Consent has to be an ongoing dialogue with your child, not just a one-time discussion.