How about ‘coffused’ or ‘procrastinetflix’?

These days, the world can be very confusing. Technology keeps disrupting everything and politics has become a fast-paced drama full of plot twists. It is no surprise, then, that this brave new world has spawned a bevy of brave new words. From Brexit to Regrexit, from mansplaining to humblebrag ... the past few years have been a fruitful time for neologisms.

However, it can be hard for language to keep up with everything that’s happening and we’re still missing a lot of words to describe modern phenomena. Here, I helpfully suggest some words needed for these new times.

n Bitbitter: How you feel when you see that bitcoin has reached another record high and realise that, if only you hadn’t bought avocado toast for brunch seven years ago and invested in the digital currency instead, you’d be a billionaire by now.

n Coffused: When yet another study about coffee is published, plunging you into a state of confusion. Will your caffeine habit help keep your heart chugging along longer, or will it send you to an early, jittery, grave?

It’s really hard to keep track of the guidance, what with coffee-science being such a fast-moving field. If you are coffused right now, the latest advice is that people who drink three to four cups of coffee a day experience lower risks of premature death than non-coffee-drinkers. Give it a week, though, and I’m sure there will be research that says quite the opposite.

n Dead-dread: The feeling of acute anxiety that hits when you see a celebrity trending on Twitter and know they’re either dead or a sexual harasser, thus dead to you. For example: “Christopher Plummer was trending the other day and I had a moment of dead-dread, but it turns out he is replacing Kevin Spacey in a new Ridley Scott movie, so phew.” Followed, a few days later, by: “Plummer is trending again and it seems he said lecherous things about a 16-year-old in his memoir so I guess my dead-dread was a tiny bit justified.”

n Dejaviewed: Coming across an article with a headline such as: ‘How I bought a house in London aged 24 while working as an unpaid intern’, or, ‘How I saved £25,000 a year, even though I only make £15,000’, and feeling as if you’ve read it before. Feeling, in fact, that you have seen this article in various guises multiple times and already know the answer. Which is always (spoiler alert): “My parents gave me money.” You may be thinking: Hang on, I think I’ve already seen a word like dejaviewed — the concept feels familiar. Honestly, you haven’t, it is just your brain playing tricks on you.

Highly embarrassing

n Nationschamen: In German, fremdschamen describes feeling mortified on someone else’s behalf when they are acting in a highly embarrassing manner, but are oblivious to their behaviour. Nationschamen is similar, but refers to when the British government does something embarrassing yet again — such as fail to understand why a British city can’t become a European capital of culture after Brexit — and you feel shame on your leaders’ behalf.

n Phonemantic: When you are having a romantic evening with your partner, each of you staring lovingly into one another’s iPhone. “Have you seen this?” you whisper softly, gesturing to a viral clip of a dog stealing an empanada during a live news broadcast. “No, I haven’t,” they reply. Together you watch the dog steal the empanada. It is a beautiful moment.

n Procrastinetflix: You are on a deadline and have a million things to do, but first you are just going to watch five minutes of that thing on Netflix you don’t even really like any more, but are just watching because you are on deadline and have a million things to do.

n Snoozecuse: When you tell yourself that it is OK for you to hit the snooze button just one more time this morning because sleep is very important, and the world has become a very tiring place indeed.

— Guardian News & Media Ltd

Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist.