The biggest enemy of our times is loneliness. We see people at parties and malls, with happy faces, and chatty stances. We admire their life and public behaviour. The Facebook and Instagram feeds are filled with groups of friends, eating, glamping, and having such a great time together!
A few months later, you can see the platonic friends groups go bust! There are no more pictures that tempt. The secrets shared in these groups later becomes publicly washed laundry!
When my daughter was about seven years old, it was my simplest bait to make her listen to me. If she was being naughty or cranky, all I had to do was to distract her, “Come, I will tell you a secret!”
Pique people’s curiosity
The moment you mention the word “secret”, it’s magical. It can pique people’s curiosity. It’s a honey trap. If you ask me, a friend who keeps your secret is the one you should hold on to. It is the true test of character and bonding. Secrets can actually strengthen relations or throw you apart violently. The quintessential question is who gets to share your secrets.
In my view, the people who share confidences with each other are those who have found balance in their lives by having someone to confide in. Sometimes when you are left with only your family, you continue to run around in circles without finding solutions to your problems.
It is precisely at these moments that you need friends whom you can trust and share your deepest fears and secrets. Loyal friends prevent solitude and enhance your sense of purpose. They are the best stress busters because they are in your age bracket and share similar interests.
Away from home
In 2001, I joined my first job. There was a gang. We were in our twenties and freshly out of college. Many of us were home sick, being away from home for the first time in our lives.
We had a sibling kind of bond. We worked in an office in Velachery and made a few of life’s best friends. We rushed out on Friday evenings to catch the train from Chennai Central to head home. On weekends devoid of homebound travel, we covered all the restaurants that lined the roads from Adayar to T Nagar.
We had project parties for every major release in places like Radisson Blu or Taj Fisherman’s Cove, roughly an hour drive from Chennai via the scenic East Coast Road.
Time was not restricted in Chennai city and we lived in an apartment that had a common compound wall with the product company that we worked for. We were content with the salary we received as entry-level software engineers.
My best friend had the pin to my ATM card and often withdrew cash for me on his way to the office. Secrets and wallets were safe in those trusted hands. Life was simple.
Keeping in touch
In my opinion, if you find even one friend in your whole life, whom you can trust, hang on to them for life. You don’t have to keep in touch with them. Any day you can make a phone/zoom call and pick up from where you left each other at Guindy bus stop, 15 years ago!
There is a positive science behind friends who keep secrets for each other. The quality of the relationship increases according to the degree of closeness. The power of trust is tapped into and there is an inherent inner security.
At the end, people always have a way of revealing who they are. You just have to give them the space and the time to do so. ‘No mask can be worn forever,’ said Morgan Richard Olivier.
If you have a strong friend who keeps your secret for you, then you are fortunate. Your burden is halved without adding any burden on your friend.
Feby Imthias is a writer based in Abu Dhabi. Twitter: @Feby_Imthias
