Respect is as respect does

Want to be respected? Earn it. This was one of the golden rules ever present as we grew up. It was so ingrained in us that it came naturally without thinking. Respecting elders, saying thank you, and welcome when thanked, referring to household help as uncle, aunt, brother or sister are some of the examples by which respect found its expression.

So what’s new? Why pick up a topic that is so obvious? The answer is that a lot of new trends have and are coming up in and around us, that it is ebbing away our manners. We find it difficult to maintain and show courtesy. We take things for granted. In our rush, we are tending to forget that it is us who owe.

It is how we act, behave towards our fellow beings that give us respect. But before we are respectful to others, we need to respect ourselves. We need to ask ourselves what we are capable of? Do we lower ourselves to the degree that we demean another individual?

Maybe the other person is in a lower position than us, does that give us a reason to disrespect the individual? In an effort to show the person down, we unknowingly pull ourselves lower.

We feel oh so good when someone is there to open the car door for us, or hold the door open for us. Puffed up with importance, we tend to brush past the person. But remember, this person is an individual too; with feelings and self-respect — yes, you read that correctly.

Feelings of hurt, of pride, of acceptance, of affection lives in them too. Let’s turn the situation and let’s envision that the person holding the door is yourself. How would you feel? Rejection is not a healthy feeling.

We are told to respect our teachers, our bosses and many such other people. But is it not their job to earn it rather than demand? There are teachers, whom we meet after ages and our hands automatically reach for their feet. It is a sign that while we were under them, they did their job from the heart — with honesty and understanding.

It might be one of those teachers whom we feared the most. Maybe who punished us the most. But in that punishment, there was love, there was a teaching, there was a wish-you-well playing.

On the contrary, there are teachers who love belittling, punishing just to get back, to hide their own mistakes. We should remember — young minds are very perceptive. While under such a teacher, they have no way but to accept, later they loathe. Respect plays both ways!

Similarly with senior workers. By virtue of an uplifted position, One may. feel powerful. Powerful to mould lives. Do it the wrong way, respect is elusive.

But we live. So there is light. There is hope. All is not lost. There are people who would thank the person who holds the door open. There are some who stops to inquire after the health of the clerk who was on sick leave. There are us who still feel privileged to say thank you.

There are among us who respect the fact that mistakes happen and are ready to give a second chance. There are mentors out there still who inquire after our well-being, though not under their vigilance. We bow to such people as they earn our respect by being humane, by respecting us.

In our eagerness to live for today, we forget our tomorrows. We forget that the future is uncertain. We forget that maybe one day we would be the one in need to be understood. If, then, our past is filled with pulling others down, then down is where we remain. On the contrary, an individual finds oneself in a favourable position, if in the past respect, kindness, understanding were the deeds.

It takes very little to be respectful to others. And understanding that in the end we are all human beings and humanity is what delves in each of us. So why not respect each other?

Mamata Bandyopadhyay is a homemaker based in Dubai.