My many pet peeves

‘I’m not talking to my cat. He ate the tube of an expensive BP monitor yesterday. My GP asked me to track my blood pressure for a week to adjust my medication. So I went out to buy a monitor, but one look at the prices sent my BP soaring sky high.

Since I needed it for just a week, I borrowed one from a friend. It has been destroyed even before I have taken a single reading. Now I’m going to have to spend a fortune to buy a new monitor, and I won’t even get to keep it. That’s why I am so furious with my cat and giving him the silent treatment.

He has been following me around the house and rubbing himself against my legs. He knows he has done something wrong and is trying to win back my affection.

This morning I was reading the paper over a cup of coffee when I heard some fluttering sounds and loud meows. There were feathers in the air, and before I knew it, my cat darted into the room with a wounded pigeon in his mouth and dropped it at my feet.

I scrambled off the chair and shrieked for help as I climbed on top of the dining table. I suffer from a severe case of ornithophobia — that’s a fear of birds.

I experience intense fear and anxiety when I’m around birds. I threw things at the cat and shooed it away. He left the room, looking dejected. Cat lovers will know that some cats will bring their owners’ dead animals to show their love — or perhaps even more unpleasantly sometimes ones that are still alive.

To be fair, my cat has had a rough year. If you think 2020 was bad for humans, you have no idea what effect it has had on the global cat population. A recent survey conducted by the Dubious Institute of Pets threw up some interesting results. The survey showed that except for cats less than six months of age (kittens), 100% of the cats felt that their mental health had been adversely affected during the pandemic.

Kittens experienced more ball time and feathered toys time compared to — well, they had nothing to compare it to, right? I read somewhere that at the annual conference of worldwide cats, leading cats from most countries supported a petition asking governments to get people back in offices. WFH was causing anxiety and health issues across the cat population.

The survey showed that 89% of cats interviewed suffered from lack of sleep. Compared to an average of 16 hours of daily sleep pre-pandemic, they could get only 13 hours of sleep this year. With kids at home all day, their peace and solitude have been threatened.

I have seen the evidence in my house. My daughter loves to dance with the cat and twirls him around the room until they are both dizzy. She also places him on her desk whenever she is on zoom with her classmates and shows him off. Last week she shot a video of him pooping and posted it on Instagram — he is furious about his privacy being compromised.

My cat has confided in me about his unhappiness. He is experiencing anxiety at the constant noises from the kitchen where more meals than ever are being cooked. Sounds of the pressure cooker, blender, and dishwasher have affected his hearing. He has tried peeing on the kitchen door a few times in protest, only to have dishtowels and spatulas thrown at him.

He is also resenting the constant brushing by family members — sometimes three or four times a day. His skin feels sore, and the sight of the brush has him scurrying under the bed. He has suggested we draw up a daily brushing roster to avoid duplication.

He is currently researching consent laws protecting pets from social media. He has also approached the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) and complained about his human family.

I guess I’d better accept the gift of the dead pigeon and thank him for it. There are strict laws against the torture and neglect of animals. I don’t want to lose him. My BP will never be the same if they take him away to rehome him.

Hima Pathak is a banker and writer based in Dubai