If you’re using WhatsApp messaging services, chances are you are part of a family group. Perhaps not one family group, but two or three or (heaven help you) even more.
Suddenly, those long-lost uncles and cousins who you hadn’t even heard of in over forty years seem to come out of the woodwork. Or it may be someone you played with as a child, but lost touch with over the years. You now have nothing in common apart from a shared childhood game of kabaddi or hide-and-seek, and now you see messages churned out by them day in, day out.
This is not to degrade social media which has done wonders to bridge the gulf between people, connecting you to long-lost friends and relatives who you ‘discover’ online. It’s great to catch up, find out what is going on with their lives and update them with details from yours.
But then what?
This, my dear reader, is the downside of those big family groups where you really don’t want to be inundated with useless trivia. Fine, you know Uncle Vishy’s son, the boy you hated for tattling about your escapade, is now a successful lawyer (perfect profession, you think with a trace of smugness), or shy little Deepu is a super-successful industrialist and owns a fleet of luxury cars — wonderful to know, but it should stop with that.
There is a very thin line separating conviviality and getting on someone’s nerves, and large online groups sometimes cross over to the latter. One can take jokes (although some may not be to your taste), moralising messages, good morning gifs, and articles on health and wellness.
But come birthdays and anniversaries, and everyone seems to want to outdo the other in sending across greetings, even to relatives they’ve never set eyes on in their life.
You may not have ever seen your cousin’s grandson, all of twenty years old, who is not part of this group, but someone wishes him a happy birthday, and there you go — there are fifteen or twenty more wishes (depending on the size of the group.) You don’t want to appear mean-spirited so follow the sheep.
But the very worst are the political arguments. Politics is always a hotbed of dissension, with each group sending unsavoury comments about the political party they oppose. It is also strange how those who’ve migrated to foreign countries many years ago and own a new passport, still have an opinion about the politics of their original country of birth although they haven’t lived in it for many years! Such talks become very bitter and subversive, and often lead to virtual fisticuffs!
A ticking time-bomb
A family group is like a ticking time-bomb. Made up of disparate elements, it’s only a question of time before the bomb bursts, insults and accusations fly, and the group dissolves or splinters into smaller groups.
I’ve heard of one family group which disintegrated because a male member made some disparaging comments about working women. Some of the high-flying female executives of the group took strong objection (as they rightfully should) and the group broke up ‘in most admired disorder’ (if I can borrow from Shakespeare’s Macbeth who failed to successfully host a big dinner). This may be a very extreme case, but happen it did.
Dear reader, there’s a saying: You can’t choose your relatives, only your friends. Perhaps it is best to set some rules when forming these family groups. Like one person has a list of all the birthdays and anniversaries, and wishes the individual on behalf of the entire group. It is almost impossible to ban political comments, but perhaps the members should have the wisdom and sagacity to not take sides on political issues so that this dies its own death.
Ultimately, navigating a family group requires sensitivity, finesse, as well as a good dose of humour.
Padmini B. Sankar is a Dubai-based author and freelance writer Insta:@paddersatdubai
