Leaving a toxic boss doesn’t end the trauma—how to heal from old workplace wounds

Ex-bosses can’t haunt you. How can a workplace be as traumatic as a former partner?

You clock out of an office, you’re done.

It’s a statement that someone breezily made at our table at lunch, filled with working professionals. The reason is simple, he said. You leave an office, and you leave a toxic boss behind. You start again, with the lessons that you learned from the previous office.

“I don’t agree,” laughed Dubai-based Marianne, a corporate communications professional turned freelancer. Calmly sipping her tea,  she explained the reason behind her derision.  Sure, there are those bosses that you leave behind for good, and yet there are those, who somehow stay with you for a long time, even if you’re miles apart.

The scars burn, quite often.

Narrating her story, turning slightly teary-eyed, she recalls an old manager of hers. She remembers how she, a fresher, was forced to stand in a circle, while her boss pointed out all the mistakes and got her colleagues involved in the process too. It was supposed to be for her ‘benefit’, apparently, but she had never felt more humiliated in her life.

How do you heal from that? How do you not fear every time your boss calls you in front of others, in a new office?

Marianne remembers the dread that she would feel at the thought of office, the fear of not being able to finish tasks on time, because the repercussions would always be some form of public humiliation. “I do not know how many times that I’ve cried in that office, as much as I tried not, to.The fear of her boss would leave her waking up several times at night, panicking about what she had to do next.

And so, when she finally had the energy to quit, she hoped that she was free from it all. “But I wasn’t. Not for a while. I was always on edge in my new office. I was overworking, reading between lines, and was just always…on, restless and tired, afraid of repercussions,” she says.

As Marianne grimly says, from experience, a difficult office, manager and colleagues can cause you the same amount of scars and trauma as much as a former relationship.

How toxic office trauma lingers

Trauma doesn’t hand in its papers.

Abu Dhabi-based Dharashree Sen, a corporate communications professional, recalls how even an email from a former boss, sent ripples of panic. “It wasn’t even to me; it was just a communication to another colleague about an event. But even the sight of her name, made me start worrying: What if I saw her again?”

You leave an old office, but somehow the old office just doesn’t leave you.  King, a wellness mentor who organizes wellness programmes, explains, “Toxic work trauma needs the same amount of serious treatment as any other trauma. I feel that society has a different set of rules and expectations for the workplace, though ironically that’s where we spend amount of time. We’re dealing with different people all the time, so it does take a toll.”

And worse, many times, there will be exhaustive, painful situations at work that leave scars. “It’s not fair to say, ‘Oh it’s just a job, move on, if it’s causing trouble’. It’s not that easy,” she explains.

The after-effects

Work trauma hides in plain sight, in sleepless nights, chronic overworking, and that clench in your stomach before a Zoom call.  The after-effects can show up in quiet, subtle ways: A racing heart before a one-on-one, the fear of speaking up in meetings, or the habit of replaying conversations long after they’ve ended. The constant fear of being fired, especially when past bosses used that threat as a power move, scars you. “It’s not always easy to leave a toxic workplace — emotionally, or even practically,” King adds. “But what’s harder is unlearning everything that trauma taught you: that you’re not good enough, that mistakes are fatal, that your worth is conditional.”

Some suffer deep panic and anxiety that their bosses can still be ‘talking to others’ about them. Dubai-based Jill Paul (name changed on request), a sales professional, remembers the worry of seeing a former boss talk to her new colleagues at an event. “I had worked so hard to move on from all those painful memories, and I felt that I was right back there again,” she says.  Her mind was filled with whirring thoughts, and she feared being humiliated again.

Leaving a toxic workplace is just the beginning

Leaving an old toxic job is just the beginning, explains King. Quite often, you need to treat it the same way you do, when leaving an old relationship. You focus on recovery first, because the healing process is long, especially if you’ve been gaslit throughout your old job. And gaslighting, manipulation takes a long time to heal from, because you have been forced to rewrite yourself psychologically. You don’t trust yourself anymore, and neither can you trust others.”

The healing is raw and excruciating, so yes, when you’re at a new job, you will have a lot of anxieties and worry first. Any sort of reproach or ticking off can compel you to crumble.

The healing begins with acknowledgement

Work trauma doesn’t always come with a clear timeline or a dramatic ending. There’s no formal breakup, explains King. “There’s no moment where someone declares, ‘This is over.’”

Often, there’s not even a documented complaint or HR file — just a gnawing memory, and maybe a resignation letter signed with quiet desperation. But just because there’s no paper trail doesn’t mean the pain isn’t real.

The truth is, some of the deepest wounds are the ones we carry silently, especially when they stem from environments where we were told to be ‘professional,’ ‘resilient,’ or “grateful to have a job.”

That’s why healing has to begin with acknowledgment. “Acknowledging that what happened wasn’t okay, that being micromanaged, belittled, excluded, or manipulated under the guise of ‘just business’ left real emotional scars,” explains Perry. Your productivity doesn’t erase your pain. Moving on isn’t the same as healing.

Naming it, calling it trauma, not just ‘a bad job’, is a radical act of self-respect. It’s the first step in breaking the cycle, in reclaiming your power, and in reminding yourself that work should never cost you your peace.

Here are some concrete steps that might help:

Regulate your nervous system

Toxic work environments often keep your body in a state of hypervigilance. Even after you leave, your nervous system may remain on high alert.

Action step: Try deep breathing exercises (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 6).

Go for regular walks without your phone.

Do a daily body scan to release tension from your shoulders, jaw, or chest.

Watch for lingering behaviors

Many habits formed in toxic environments follow you into new roles, like people-pleasing, perfectionism, or fear of feedback.

Reflect on:

·         Are you still overworking to avoid criticism?

·         Do you feel anxious when someone schedules a meeting with you?

·         Do you feel guilty taking time off or asking for help?

Talk to someone safe

Sharing your story with someone you trust is an important part of recovery. Therapy, coaching, or simply a nonjudgmental friend can help you process and reframe what happened.

Rebuild your self-trust

Toxic workplaces often erode confidence and make you doubt your abilities. Healing involves actively reminding yourself of your value.

Redraw your boundaries

Reflect on what you will no longer tolerate in your work life. Then, define your non-negotiables—both personal and professional.

Examples:

·         I will not respond to work messages after 7 PM.

·         I will speak up when something feels wrong.

·         I will take full lunch breaks without guilt.

Give yourself grace

Healing isn’t a straight line. Some days will feel like progress; others will feel like setbacks. That’s normal.

Reminder: Leaving a toxic job doesn’t mean the trauma disappears overnight. But naming it, processing it, and tending to yourself, bit by bit, helps you reclaim your peace.