Red flags in disguise: Seven 'good' habits that could quietly destroy your relationship

Not all that glitters, is gold. Some actions that appear loving and supportive on the surface can quietly chip away at intimacy, trust, or even independence over time. For instance, Dubai-based Gayatri Satyan (name changed on request), a homemaker recalls a few lessons from her first marriage: The idea of never fighting. “I thought no fights at home meant everything was peaceful—until I realised there was such a strong emotional distance between us that nothing could cover it. We weren’t fighting, or even reacting,” she remembers. “And that constrained peace, just made us realise how incompatible we were in the marriage.”

Psychologist Ramya Krishna from Dubai explains that certain seemingly harmless habits can trick us into thinking our marriage is solid—when, in reality, it’s quietly splintering beneath the surface.

Never fighting

It sounds ideal and peaceful. Krishna explains, “It can actually be a fragile sense of peace, as constant harmony can actually signal emotional suppression. Couples who never argue might be avoiding difficult conversations entirely, leading to unresolved tension and emotional distance,” she says.

This does not mean that cruel fights and arguments are a sign of a happy marriage, in fact, far from that. “It’s the way you resolve conflicts, flights and arguments. There’s a healthy way of approaching the matter, with respect prevalent on two sides,” she says. And so, with such an approach, your marriage does grow along with an understanding.

Doing everything together

From grocery shopping to gym sessions, it might seem romantic to share every moment. But these activities tend to blur identities, creating a strong sense of co-dependency. In fact, a healthy marriage flourishes when both partners maintain their own interests and friendships, adds Krishna.

As she explains, feeling close to your partner isn’t enough on its own to keep a relationship flowing. Recent research, especially a 2019 study published in Sage journals, shows that people are more likely to invest in maintaining their relationship when their need for connection is matched by a strong sense of autonomy. Simply put: We tend to handle conflict and tension better when we feel both loved and free to be ourselves. Without that balance, too much proximity can start to feel suffocating rather than comforting.

Krishna adds, “The healthiest relationships strike a rhythm between togetherness and independence. Supporting each other’s personal goals, nurturing friendships outside the relationship, and even spending time alone can actually bring partners closer. It may sound counterintuitive, but a little space often strengthens the bond—preserving a sense of self while deepening intimacy over time.”

Putting your partner first—always

 You might think it’s love, but when you consistently prioritise your partners need at your own expense, it breeds resentment. “Somewhere, people hope that the other observes how much they’re sacrificing, and when that’s not noticed, hurt starts to breed as the imbalance becomes more obvious,” says Krishna.

Some people make a habit of downplaying their feelings or preferences just to keep the peace. They tell themselves it’s better to be ‘easygoing’ than risk coming off as needy. But while this might smooth things over in the short term, over time it can quietly chip away at emotional balance—and even one’s sense of self in the relationship.

What often starts as a desire to avoid conflict can lead to something more damaging: Emotional invisibility. When you consistently silence your needs, you unintentionally teach your partner not to look for them. They stop asking, stop noticing—and a subtle kind of disconnection sets in.

A 2014 study in Motivation and Emotion draws a powerful distinction between simply having unmet needs and feeling like your needs are actively ignored or dismissed. This second scenario—called “need thwarting”—is much more likely to fuel relationship distress. It’s not just about not getting what you want; it’s about feeling like your inner world doesn’t belong.

On the flip side, strong relationships are built on mutual attentiveness. When both partners feel safe to express their needs openly—whether it’s asking for more quality time, a hug, or just a moment of presence—it builds trust and emotional visibility. Even small moments of honest, respectful communication can shift the dynamic, turning daily interactions into tiny acts of intimacy and care.

Avoiding difficult conversations for the sake of peace? Never a good idea

Sometimes, it’s not brave to “just let it go.” Avoiding difficult conversations may create surface-level calm, but it also allows misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and emotional buildup to fester. Silence feels safe in the moment, but over time, it creates emotional walls that become harder to tear down.

Agreeing just to avoid conflict: A growing toxic positivity

Constantly saying “yes” to please your partner may create short-term ease, but it’s a fast track to long-term frustration. Authenticity, not blind agreement, is what builds real trust.

It’s a myth that you are creating positive vibes, as Krishna explains, a form of toxic positivity builds. Chasing happiness like it’s the ultimate prize might actually backfire. According to recent research in the Journal of Positive Psychology, people who put happiness on a pedestal — especially at the expense of avoiding “negative” emotions — tend to feel less satisfied overall. The real emotional winners? Those who embrace everyday joys and make space for discomfort. It turns out, allowing the full range of feelings is what helps us feel more whole — not just happy.