Breaking free: How micro-quitting could be a path to leave a toxic job

It was just another ordinary day in office, like the past 10 years had been. People were sharing sugary snacks around the tables. There was the regular click-clacking of the keyboards, low-earnest conversations about the targets that haven’t been achieved and that absolutely must be achieved. The drone of life carried on and meanwhile, something snapped for Dubai-based Sarah Paul, a public relations professional. 

She still doesn’t know what came over her, but she finally walked up to her manager, asked to speak to him in private, and told him that she needed to quit. “I had practised that moment, so often in my head for 10 years, and never went through with it,” explains Paul. “Something always held me back. My own fear, maybe. But I didn’t have the courage to ever say those words, so I kept giving it another chance, hoping for something to change.” 

But nothing changed. Life had just seemed static for a decade, difficult bosses, toxic colleagues had come and gone. On some days, it was particularly difficult to breathe, on other days, they celebrated someone’s birthday with cake. “I am a people-pleaser, and any sort of tough conversation never goes well for me,” she says ruefully. It has been over five years since she has made that decision, and she is now content teaching kindergarten children.

As she explains, “One of the most helpless feelings is to be stuck in a job that you don’t really want to be in. You want to quit—the words are almost bursting out of you, every time some colleague creates trouble, a manager demeans you, but then again, you tell yourself, ‘I’m overreacting.’ But sometimes, that’s just because you fear rocking the boat, just a little,” she says.

‘Quitting a toxic job isn’t just an action’ 

As Dubai-based workplace mentor and health expert Alexandra Smith explains, “Quitting isn’t just about handing in your resignation. Of course, it’s different for everyone. Some can do it on the spur of the moment and be done with it. But for others, especially those exhausted by the job, struggling internally, and wired to please, it’s much harder. The real challenge is deciding to quit mentally, to accept it deep down, before you can actually do it in person.”

It’s this wrestling with their innermost emotions that leads them to stay ‘stuck’ at a job that they don’t like. “They rationalise. They tell themselves that it makes sense to stay. And this is what dims their ability and bandwidth to keep looking for other jobs,” she says. So, this gives rise to the common workplace trends that you see flooding social media discourse now: Quiet-quitting, window-sitting. “Most of the times, people have just lost all motivation for their work, and are functioning on fumes. It can lead to a sense of psychological numbness, and as time goes by, it gets harder to break away from this,” adds Smith.

There are multiple reasons, why people stay at their jobs, despite telling themselves every practical day that they want to quit.

Loss aversion: We’re wired to hate losing more than we love winning

We’re always thinking of what we could lose. It comes down to the very cliched but accurate phrase, “Darling, what if I fall? But darling, what if you fly?”

But, we’re always thinking about falling. And leaving a job—planning to leave a job that you have been so familiar with, regardless of all the painful times you might have had—feels like falling into an abyss. That’s called loss aversion, a term coined by psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky. When you're on the brink of quitting a job or ending a relationship, you’re not just evaluating the potential gains, you’re gripped by the fear of what you might lose: security, identity, a routine, or even just familiarity.  Even if your current situation is miserable, the idea of giving it up often triggers a sense of panic. What if this is as good as it gets? The possibility of regret outweighs the potential for relief.

And sometimes, we think it’s too late to turn away. “You tell yourself, I’ve invested so much. Something must come from this,” explains Smith. 

The fear of the unknown 

Furthermore, London-based Smitha Ashley, a behavioural psychologist explains, “There’s comfort in familiarity. I’ve seen clients rationalise, about why they’re staying at a job they dislike. They will remember who is nice to them, who they had lunch with—and in short, they’re afraid to start over with something new. The new is unknown—so while they might tell themselves that they want to quit everyday, they fear making that step, because they don’t know what the future holds.” 

Our brain craves predictability, even if it includes a poisonous atmosphere, or just an emotionally numbing one. You’re used to a certain routine of working. You don’t want to give that up. 

And while we keep rationalising our decision to stay, self-loathing slowly creeps in, explains Ashley. “There’s only so much a person can fight—with themselves or with their circumstances. In this constant tug-of-war, they begin to believe they’re weak. And then loved ones, well-meaning as they are, might ask, ‘If you’re so miserable, why are you still there?’”

People are often haunted by how others perceive them. If it’s not the fear of telling a manager they want to quit, it’s the discomfort of facing the confusion—or judgment—of those closest to them.

So, how do you quit finally?

It isn’t just a decision, it’s a process of unlearning your coping mechanisms. It’s about rewiring all those conversations that you’ve had with yourself, saying ‘it isn’t so bad’ and ‘it’s just a phase’. Walking away means facing the discomfort you’ve been suppressing. The guilt, and fear.

And so first, you sit with that discomfort. “You don’t need to be brazen and fearless,” explains Ashley. “You have to come to the point of accepting that staying stuck, is costing you.” It takes courages, and more than that, it takes permission.

Permission from you.

It’s about recognising when an environment or situation no longer aligns with your values, aspirations, or mental well-being. It's about knowing that the current workplace stifles their personal growth that can lead to burnout, stress and emotional exhaustion. Choosing mental well-being over stagnation means valuing oneself enough to prioritise personal health and happiness, even if it means stepping into the unknown.

So, considering people find it difficult to even consider the idea of quitting—start with the idea of micro-quitting, explain the experts.

Say it to yourself privately

Micro-shift: Admit the truth privately. Naming your feelings is the first quiet rebellion against denial.

Start observing

Micro-action: Keep a log of what drains and energises you daily.
It builds clarity over time. When you spot patterns, you gain power, knowledge helps separate the emotion from the facts.

Change your language 

Micro-shift: Replace ‘I can’t leave’ with ‘I’m preparing to leave.’
This reframe moves you from helpless to intentional. Language matters, it shifts your identity from passive to proactive.

Set tiny boundaries 

Micro-action: Start saying ‘no’ to low-impact tasks or over-commitments.
Each small ‘no’ is practice for the bigger one coming. It also builds self-respect, and slowly rewires people-pleasing patterns.

Play out the ‘What if?’—but finish the story 

Micro-shift: Don’t stop at the fear. Ask, “And then what?”
If you fear financial instability, imagine the next step: “I’ll freelance. I’ll look for a job, immediately. I’ll cut expenses. I’ll stay with a friend.” Ending the fear loop with a plan makes the unknown less terrifying.

Prep for pushback

Expect doubt from others (and yourself). Prepare your responses: 

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while.

“I don’t need to explain everything now, but I’m making this decision for my wellbeing.”