Four steps to ultimate confidence
It’s easy to climb out of self doubt by trying something new and aiming high, discovers Christine Fieldhouse
With her shoulders hunched and head down, Natalie* shuffles into the nursery where she works, avoiding eye contact with the parents dropping their little ones off for the day.
As a colleague, Flavia, floats past with a cheery hello and a smile for the parents and children, Natalie looks on with envy.
“Her life is brilliant – she travels, she does triathlons and she teaches cookery in her spare time. She really is Superwoman. Compared to her, I’m a little mouse.”
“If we’re feeling bad about ourselves, our inner critic – the little voice in our head – will bombard us with messages that we’re not good enough to do our job, or we can’t do a skydive because we’re too timid,” says UK-based Louise, author of Finding a Future That Fits. “Those messages filter through to our actions so we slouch when we walk, we avoid talking to people and we don’t seize opportunities that come our way. We keep ourselves small, in our own comfortable and often very boring world, and we never put our heads above the parapet.”
To build our confidence we have to quit doing the same old, same old, and regard our confidence as a muscle that needs exercising every day.
Here is Louise’s four-step plan to kick-start your confidence:
1. Create a dare list
Start by breaking out of your comfort zone. “When we’re in our comfort zone, we’re dealing with familiar things and nothing stretches us,” says Louise. “We’re like a hamster on the wheel, going round and round, and although we’re quite steady, we’re also a little boring.
“Make changes but start small. Go into a shop you’ve never been in, or cook something new for dinner. Wear some different make-up or aftershave, or tackle a job you’ve never done before such as mowing the lawn or some DIY.
Once you’ve tackled the small things, you’re ready to move to bigger challenges.
“Make a dare list of the exciting things you’d love to do,” suggests Louise. “Look at what might really stretch you. If public speaking is your big fear, plan to make a speech or give a talk to a group. If you’re not keen on being alone, book a holiday for yourself and learn to love your own company.
“By easing yourself from your comfort zone, you’re flexing that confidence muscle and your outlook on life will change. Your posture will be stronger, you will ooze enthusiasm and you will have a spring in your step.”
2. Start an evidence journal
Buy a nice book that you will want to write in. “This is going to be your evidence or gratitude journal, and in this you write down each day all the things you have achieved. Think small – your achievements don’t have to be huge!
“It could be receiving a compliment from your line manager, to getting to the office on time, walking 3km in your lunch break, getting all the laundry done, or finishing a chapter of the book you’re writing or reading. Note all positive emails and compliments.”
Louise also recommends a technique she calls Phone-A-Friend, which can result in an immediate confidence boost.
1. What do you perceive to be my greatest strengths?
2. What do you like most about me?
3. When do you see me shine?
Louise also suggests creating a Happy Box – a collection of frivolous things that make you smile. “Buy a beautiful box, or make your own from an old shoe box, and decorate it. Inside keep lovely memories such as things your children said when they were toddlers, or funny birthday cards you have been sent, anything as long as it evokes good memories. Visit your Happy Box when you need a pick-me-up.”
3. Make an appointment with yourself
Just as we note in our diary when we have a work meeting or an appointment at the dentist, Louise suggests we schedule a very important meeting in our diaries – with ourselves.
“Choose a time each week when you can spare some time for yourself – not to do your accounts, or the ironing, but to lie on the sofa with a magazine, or sit in a coffee shop with a cake and a newspaper, or to look round a museum,” she says.
4. Step inside the new confident you
