Balanced living

Now here's a concept — a one-stop shop for a healthy existence. Balance is a café-cum-spa peddling guidance, fitness treatments, and food. The first point of contact is an initial consultation that sets the tone for the entire programme. Dr Chandy George, a qualified Ayurvedic doctor, kicks things off by explaining that everyone can be classified into one of three body types distinguished by their relation to the earth's elements. The first type is air, the second, fire, and the third is an amalgam of water and earth. No prizes to guess which one suggests pudginess, skinniness or a strong metabolism. This broad categorisation forms the basis for the specific diet, suggested habits, and treatments that are forthcoming. I am later told of my sludgy constitution — water and earth.

Dr George places three fingers on my pulse. He explains that before the days of MRI, a pulse revealed everything about someone's biology, specifically the state of their organs. His fingers haven't even settled properly on my wrist before he blurts, "Ah, a smoker". Spot on, but hardly something you'd need to consult my lungs to ascertain. Purple lips and a square bulge in my pocket are evidence enough. It seems psychiatry can't be put past this ancient ‘science' either. "I see that you are argumentative," he says. I wonder if it was my pancreas or gall bladder that told him that. Or maybe he can read my mind too. In any case, ‘argumentative' is a bit of a stretch. To sum up, I'm at risk of getting kidney stones, my liver is a tad fatty, and everything else seems A-OK. I'm told I must drink more water, but I've been told that before.

The next stage is to hop onto a machine that detects the composition of your body — everything from the circumference of your left arm to how much fat you have wedged between your organs. Cutting to the headlines — I weighed 102kg at the time of consultation.

The next day, you are presented with a dossier, a blueprint if you will. This includes said body report, an exercise regimen, a detailed diet menu for the next week, recommended spa treatments (one of which is a ‘prison shower' with a high pressure fireman's hose, designed to loosen the fat on your body to get it ready for melting) and some background reading on Ayurvedic philosophy.

The food is delivered to you daily. Though not spectacular, the occasional gems do surface. These include egg dosa with crushed lamb and peas masala, chocolate mud cake with vanilla ice cream, and chicken with black lentil and red onions served with Indian bread. I cheated at least once a day with an extra snack. In seven days I lost 3kg (mind you I went to the gym three times in that week). Follow it to a T and you are guaranteed extraordinary results.

 --- Balance Café is located in the Oasis Centre, Shaikh Zayed Road, Dubai. Call 04 515 4051 for details.