It’s ironic: You would think that highly intelligent people might be confident to the point of being arrogant.
Kellie Dane, a Dubai-based British expat, would beg to differ. Her daughter has always been hailed as something of a ‘genius child’, since the age of six. From school to college, she thought her daughter was nothing less than a miracle: She won all awards, topped all subjects, and got distinctions in her dissertations. “I thought, what more does a parent need? Her child’s peace, that’s what.”
Yet, as Dane reveals, only she saw the quiet anxiety spirals her daughter went through. “Nothing was ever enough for her, sometimes. She didn’t think that she was good enough, even though we kept reminding her. She cried so often, even when she was still doing brilliantly at all her courses. So, she would push herself to work hard, avoid meeting friends or going out with us,” she recalls. “She would just lock herself in the room and be surrounded by piles of books,” she says.
It took hospital visits for Dane to realise the pressure of what it meant to be a ‘genius child’. “She fell very ill while preparing for her PhD (doctoral) applications. She had to be hospitalised. After that, we just ensured that she took a break from work, her academics, and just focused on recovering and took a year off. In that time, she finally allowed herself to live,” says Danes.
In pursuit of perfection
As Ilan Ben-Zion, a clinical psychologist, and the co-founder of Connect Psychology in Dubai, explains that struggles with self-esteem is a shared human experience. “While each person faces unique challenges, people with high intelligence are often perceived to grapple with specific issues related to their self-esteem,” he adds.
The heightened cognitive abilities that are associated with intelligence, compel people to establish exceptionally high standards for themselves, he says. “This makes the fear of failure even more daunting. It could potentially paralyse them from fully pursuing personal and professional development, hindering growth. This constant pursuit of perfection could lead to a pervasive sense of anxiety and self-doubt," he says.
The heightened cognitive abilities that are associated with intelligence, compel people to establish exceptionally high standards for themselves. This makes the fear of failure even more daunting. It could potentially paralyse them from fully pursuing personal and professional development, hindering growth
On the other hand, Nashwa Tantawy, psychologist, managing director of Nafsology Psychology Center, Dubai, feels that the word intelligence itself, is a rather complicated word. It has so many types and forms, including reasoning, problem-solving, judgement, presence of mind, or the ability to grasp concepts quickly. "It’s often related to mental abilities, rather than mental stability, which are two different things.” Explaining the possible reasons for low self-esteem in an intelligent person, she believes that it could have begun in childhood itself. “They might have faced some sort of isolation from others; they could have been classified as nerds, or mocked for being close to teachers,” she says.
People with high intelligence skills might have faced some sort of isolation from others; they could have been called nerds, or even been mocked for being close to teachers...this would have encouraged the onset of social anxiety.
These children would have played by the rules, which would not have been acceptable by the peers. As a result, the constant scrutiny and possible mockery, would have encouraged the onset of social anxiety, says Tantawy. Moreover, there would have been more pressure from parents, who would have pushed their child to study harder. Finally, the child turns into a perfectionist, where they question everything and nothing seems good enough. “Sometimes, they cannot see their achievements, even though everyone else can,” she says.
Such apprehension about their performance may drive a continuous search for external validation, explains Ben-Zion. “Intelligent people may seek approval and affirmation from others to compensate for internal insecurities. Despite achieving notable accomplishments and receiving accolades, internalising a sense of worthiness becomes a persistent challenge,” he says. External recognition finally becomes the primary validation of their intelligence.
A note from a class ‘nerd’
It took Abu Dhabi-based Saturupa Burma, an Indian homemaker, several years to be proud of her ‘nerd’ label. Now, she wears the badge like an honour.
“I’m a nerd, and I’ve always been one. I am 32 now, but if you had met me 10 years ago, I would never have accepted it. I would have possibly cried a little too,” she says with a laugh. Burma recalls how she was always first in class, the one child who could easily solve complicated mathematical problems, when others couldn’t. “My classmates hated me for it. They tried all sorts of things to discourage me from doing my homework, and to get me into trouble with teachers. Believe me, I’ve had my notebooks thrown out of the window, classmates purposely shaking ink bottles over my work, tearing out pages when I wasn’t in class, so that I would have to do it again. I was often told to, ‘Just forget my homework for one day’,” she says.
As a result, Burma grew quiet and withdrawn, sometimes even sabotaging her work to avoid being classified as a nerd. That upset her even more, so she would just try to quietly work and “tune out” the mockery hurled at her. Her quiet behaviour continued through college, where she once again felt alone as people would only consult her for notes. “I hated the term nerd. It hurt. Yet as I grew older, I slowly began to understand with a close group of friends, that I’m not committing some crime. In fact, if I achieve something, I should be proud of it,” she says.
Battling the impostor syndrome
I got a glowing appraisal. But soon they’ll realise they were wrong.
If that’s your recurring inner monologue, you might have a case of impostor’s syndrome. The term is exactly as it sounds - a person believes that their achievements are a fraud and fear that someone will call them out for inadequacy, which they feel is the truth.
“The impostor syndrome is particularly prevalent among people with high levels of intelligence,” adds Ben-Zion. “This leads to heightened vulnerability, as they worry that they will be ‘found out’. It can generate a constant state of anxiety and undermine their confidence in life,” he says.
Even though they have proved that they are indeed competent, they’re hindered by a sense of inadequacy, explains Ramya Menon, an Abu Dhabi-based psychologist. It’s not about the situation; it’s how they see themselves. They also start worrying that time is ‘running out’, she says.
“People with impostor syndrome are constantly under the impression that they’ve tricked everyone. It’s like they feel that they’re putting on some act, that they can’t keep it up any longer. They feel this, even though they would have achieved everything on their own terms,” says Menon.
It happens to many people, who, after reaching a peak in their careers, are afraid that they can’t keep going. They fear that they won’t have the pace that they earlier did.
“They feel embarrassed,” she says. This crushing shame and embarrassment pushes them into a corner, where they don’t want to admit their emotions to anyone.
The warning signs and how to overcome low self-esteem
The warning signs lie in the details, explains Menon. Such people with high intelligence, would keep focusing on their flaws, feel that there is something ‘strange’ about them, doubt their own skills and downplay it. They could also have fewer friends, as they suffer from social anxiety. “They also tend to overanalyse and notice things, which could lead them to worry about hypothetical problems that haven’t occurred yet,” she says.
It is exhausting, trying to fight it, no doubt. First acknowledge it, say the experts. List down the evidence where you think that you are inadequate, and evidence that you are competent. This will help you in fighting the impostor syndrome, says Menon. “You also need to break free of the constant cycles of negativity in your head. Talk to someone, or write it down,” she says.
You can also follow the SBNRR technique, as detailed by American psychology medical blog, Better Up.
Stop: Allow yourself to stop in your tracks and take a moment to pause.
Breathe: Give yourself a deep breath and let your thoughts go and not be attached to them.
Notice: Notice your feelings, your body, your surroundings, your peers, the situation, your reaction, and anything else that you can notice.
Reassess: Evaluate the situation and the reason you felt a need to fall into the impostor syndrome.
Respond: React intentionally. It can be more informed and composed now that you have calmed yourself a bit.
“Establishing a robust support system is crucial. You need to create a safe space to express vulnerabilities without fear of judgment,” says Ben-Zion. “Encouraging self-compassion and acknowledging that perfection is an unattainable standard can assist intelligent people in reframing their thinking and fostering a healthier self-esteem,” he says. In short, work at not beating yourself up to achieve something.
