Don't send thumbs up, or 10-minute long voice notes: 5 texting etiquette rules to fix your messaging game

I'm guilty of breaking texting etiquette. I thought my usual dose of smiley emojis and instant replies made me a model texter—until a friend recently called me out for repeatedly skimming over his messages.

He has had to gently point out, “Did you not see this?”

And I would scramble and scroll, shamefacedly apologise.

Too little, too late, tch tch.

So, I posed the question rather hesitantly to my professional circles, what really is the texting etiquette, and the flood of responses came in fast—most of them fixated on one culprit: The infamous ‘thumbs up’ emoji. Earlier, it used to mean ‘great.’

Now? It often reads as a passive aggressive ‘Whatever.’

Thumbs up and overlooked messages aren’t the only offenders: People detest a sudden ‘hello’ out of the blue, without any explanation, especially for professional conversations. Sometimes, you just need to be direct and state your purpose as Abu Dhabi-based Asha Sherwood, a media Innovator and industry leader says. “My tip for anyone wanting to communicate, is just get on with it. Don’t send one message that says ‘hi’ and wait for me to get back to you before you start asking me the question. Time is against us, so just let me know what you need and I can help quicker,” she says.

Perhaps, that’s exactly why we might need a little refresher on texting etiquette.  

So with a bit of help from UAE residents, linguists and behavioural experts, here’s an idea of what works, and what really doesn’t in modern texting etiquette.

The thumbs up emoticon

This emoticon can cause waves of grief among the younger generations, even though older generations see it as a sign of affirmation. Millenials and Gen Z particularly view it as a lukewarm or unenthusiastic response, explains Angela Watson, a Dubai-based linguist. “A friend told me that she had apparently sent it to her colleagues after they pitched an idea, and they felt rather snubbed.”

As Watson explains, people now see an emoticon as a bare minimum effort. “It lacks the warmth of a more engaged reply, such as ‘sounds good’ or ‘that’s great’. A thumbs up just seems like you don’t have the time to even invest in a response,” she says. The younger generations associate it with parents or bosses, making it feel stiff and impersonal. ‘It’s blunt—it shuts down the conversation,’ Watson explains.

Etiquette tip: If someone shares good news and you respond with a lonely thumbs up, don’t be surprised if they never text you first again.

The ‘K’ dilemma

This ‘K’ is another offender, possibly more than the thumbs up. If you’ve ever sent a heartfelt message or made plans, only to receive a dry ‘K’ in response, you probably felt dismissed or even a little irritated. It’s the ultimate conversation killer, signaling that the discussion is over, whether you meant for it to be or not. Watson explains with a laugh, “How hard is it, to add a few more letters and spell out okay? These little things matter.  We’re talking about the digital world, where the tone is already difficult to interpret, short and vague replies can come across as indifferent or even annoyed. It doesn’t help that ‘K’ is often associated with impatience or sarcasm, making it feel like a brush-off rather than an actual response.”

Etiquette tip:  An ‘okay!’ and ‘Sounds good’ work wonders, as it shows that you actually processed the message.

The double text: Desperate or necessary?

Sending a second message before getting a reply can feel needy, but sometimes it’s completely acceptable, like when confirming plans or following up on something time-sensitive. However, sending five ‘Hey?’ messages in a row? A big no-no.

Moreover, excessive question marks can really ensure that you won’t get a reply soon, as Dubai-based Zaara Khan, a homemaker grimly testifies. “If I receive text messages with ten question marks, then I don’t feel like replying.”

Etiquette tip: If someone hasn’t replied, wait a bit. If it’s urgent, rephrase your message to make it clear why you’re following up.

Moreover, this is for those who miss out on texts: It's always a good idea to read carefully, when participating in a conversation. Even if you don’t mean it, missing messages sporadically and replying to one appears rude to someone else. (Note to self).

The art of timing a text

Unless they’re your really close friends, texting someone at 3 am is not a good idea. Moreover, leaving someone on read for days, can be frustrating. While instant replies aren’t always expected, ignoring a message for too long can signal disinterest—or worse, ghosting.

Etiquette tip: If you can’t reply right away, a quick ‘Hey, I’ll get back to this later!’  goes a long way in keeping the conversation alive without making the other person feel ignored.

Voice notes, or not?

The topic has led to polarised opinions: Some, like Dubai-based Ipshita Sharma, are firmly against it. No one has time to listen to a 5 minute voice note. Write a text and be done with it. Dubai-based Arnab Ghosh, a strategic marketing and communications professional echoes the same sentiment heartily, “What's annoying about messaging today is the misuse of voice notes. People leave an entire podcast for a ‘note’! A 5-minute voice note is really not on. They wouldn't type that much text, for sure,” he says.

 On the other hand, others like Linda Katch, a Dubai-based entrepreneur doesn’t mind it so much: It’s nice to hear people’s voices, sometimes. You can judge their emotions a lot better than you can do on text.

Either way as Watson says, read the room. If they respond with voice notes, then it’s not a problem. Otherwise, stick to text messages, short and direct.

Etiquette tip: If your voice note is longer than 30 seconds, maybe just call instead, or break it into text messages so people can respond more easily.