The Fire Course at Jumeirah Golf Estates
Jumeirah Golf Estates is a perfect place to start out as a golfer - regardless of age Image Credit: Supplied

So here we are back in the UAE. Dubai to be exact and having brought the Wilsons all the way from Miami I had to get them lengthened - more of that later - suffice to say that the 2.5ins added to the top of the club was very nearly the same cost as the whole thing

So now I am ready to go and by this time ‘Yarmy’ (remember him?) has very conveniently arranged our company’s new promotional giveaway, box sets of golf balls with our brand on them which, of course, took away some of the pain of the extension work. So he proudly hands me some and off we go to the driving range as its newest full members

In the meantime HSBC had kindly been flexible with my mortgage so I now have a bag and shoes and clothes that get me through the high levels of scrutiny that some golf clubs level on their members.

How to play this game? Friends? Lessons? Most of us at some stage will have played a little pitch and putt or crazy golf and so how hard can the game be? Jury still out on this one, be where for once in your life both you and the ball are both standing totally still and no one wants to take if off you.

Driving range at Jumairah Golf Estates is magnificent with more lights than Swindon Town FC and more action. Yarmy is there with me - all words of advice: “Do this, tuck this elbow here, head down, slow backswing.” This was all well-intentioned thoughts of a man who wants the corporate annual membership to continue.

“Pick a 7-iron, easiest club in the bag.” Further instructions follow. “Head down, crouch ball in line with inside of back foot slow backswing and accelerate through the forward swing.” Then ‘woosh’.

I scan the distance, in those days I could, valiantly looking for my ball, micro seconds pass I draw my eye line back towards me and there it is a full three feet in front of where I last saw it.

Yarmy is ecstatic: “Well, that’s great, you didn’t miss it!” And the ball is that close you can drag it back and add it to the other 49 you have in your pile so it’s not wasted. So 50 similar events later, Yarmy by this time has made himself and his cheerful countenance scarce, I hit one that goes in the air about 120 yards and that’s why I am still playing this game/sport and why I decided lessons were a good idea.