About six months ago, I found a 1-metre snake slithering along in my toilet. The awning, facing a garden, was left open. I managed to kill and bury it, but never told a soul (until this article), lest it scare the wits out of my family.
It reminded me of the tropics we live in. Now, every time I use the same water closet, I search every corner for a possible sibling of the green-coloured serpent.
It’s my own self-talk moment. Paranoia? Being aware of physical threats around us can have an upside. The conversations we hold internally possess the power to save us from clear and present, life-threatening danger.
It’s a primordial coping mechanism. But it can also turn bad.
What is self-talk?
Psychologists define self-talk as an "internal dialogue", something you do naturally throughout your waking hours. It can be either positive or negative.
It’s an inner voice that combines conscious thoughts with inbuilt beliefs and biases to create an internal monologue. And the way we talk to ourselves – whether it leads to self-motivation or self de-motivation – holds a huge significance. It acts as the narrative that moulds our view of life and guides our actions.
How common is self-talk?
It’s a fairly common thing. In fact, it can be good in certain ways. It’s a survival mechanism. It is ingrained within the human brain, and guides individuals away from perceived threats and dangers, explained Jyotika Aggarwal, Clinical Psychologist at the German Neuroscience Centre based in the UAE.
However, this evolutionary function can take a detrimental turn, leading to what is often referred to as Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs). These intrusive thoughts tend to exaggerate, or “catastrophise” the negative aspects of situations, dwelling on worst-case scenarios and self-defeating assumptions.
Does everyone engage in self talk?
Yes. When you set out to do something – or not to do something – it comes out of your will, the self. Experts in neuro linguistic programming say the thoughts in your head inform your judgement at every moment or situation you encounter.
When is self-talk positive?
Positive self-talk involves encouraging, affirming, and constructive thoughts that help boost confidence, motivation, and resilience. Studies show it can improve performance, increase self-esteem, and enhance overall well-being.
For example, telling oneself “I can do this” or “I am capable and worthy” can promote a positive mindset and lead to better outcomes.
Many studies show that people who exercise regularly benefit with a positive boost in mood and lower rates of depression.
When does self-talk become negative?
Negative self-talk involves critical, pessimistic, and self-defeating thoughts that undermine confidence and hinder progress. It can contribute to stress, anxiety, and depression, and may lead to self-doubt and avoidance of challenges.
Examples include thoughts like “I'm not good enough” or “I'll never succeed.” While some degree of self-criticism can be helpful for self-improvement, excessive negative self-talk can be harmful.
Overcoming negative self-talk
Lima Fazaa, chief of nutrition at AIG Clinics and Clinical Dietitian at Dubai London Hospital, said: "Learning how to overcome negative self-talk and emotional-eating triggers and transforming your mindset during your journey is essential."
She explained that losing weight (if living with obesity) can improve your mental wellbeing. Research shows weight loss leads to benefits for mental well-being and mental health.
For example, losing at least 10 per cent of your body weight not only improves physical health, such as Type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure, reduced cancer risk, and improvements in fertility, but also improvements in health-related quality of life (QOL), such as judging life positively, feeling good and healthy, and feeling like you have energy
"For example, losing at least 10 per cent of your body weight not only improves physical health, such as Type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure, reduced cancer risk, and improvements in fertility, but also improvements in health-related quality of life (QOL), such as judging life positively, feeling good and healthy, and feeling like you have energy."
"Losing weight is a journey beyond changing your eating and exercise habits. It's about transforming your mindset, addressing the emotional challenges, and finding the inner strength to overcome obstacles that can hinder your success."
The key: Lasting transformation involves both the mental and physical, said Fazaa, pointing to a programme which offers the tools and support to lose weight, adopt healthier habits, and reshape your mindset, empowering you to achieve tangible, sustainable results.
It’s important to recognise and challenge negative thoughts. How? Experts suggest mindfulness, self-compassion, and cognitive-behavioural techniques.
Why language matters
In turning self-talk to your favour, language matters. Want to increase your self-confidence? Talk yourself into it. Wish to curb negative emotions, gently guide your mind away from emotional downers.
Researchers have found that it’s not just about what you say to yourself, it’s also the language that you use to say it. A 2014 report describes the role of language in self-talk. When practising self-talk, don’t refer to yourself in the first person, such as “I” or “me.” Instead, refer to yourself in the third person, using “he” or “she,” or refer to yourself by name.
Why does this work? Brené Brown, professor at the University of Houston Graduate College and motivational speaker, refers to the negative voices in her head as her “gremlins”. By giving her negative thoughts a name, she’s both stepping away from them and poking fun at them.
The report goes on to say that using the third person in self-talk can help you step back and think more objectively about your response and emotions, whether looking back to the past or looking into the future. It can also help you reduce stress and anxiety.
Psychologist’s tips: Make SMART moves
Psychologist Dr David Creel, an expert from Cleveland Clinic, advises directing self-talk – motives – towards productive and healthier goals.
To improve the chances of long-term success, individuals can carefully consider why they want to achieve a certain lifestyle goal, being as specific as possible
Psychologists generally agree on one thing: People who can master positive self-talk are more confident, motivated, and productive.
To encourage long-term success, he suggests setting goals that are ‘SMART’ – goals that are Specific, Measurable, Action-oriented/Achievable, Realistic and Time-bound.
“To improve the chances of long-term success, individuals can carefully consider why they want to achieve a certain lifestyle goal, being as specific as possible,” says Dr Creel, a clinical psychologist, exercise physiologist and registered dietitian.
“Regularly revisiting the ‘why’ behind the objective can help people keep up the momentum after the initial enthusiasm has worn off.”
“Once clear on their motivation,” he said, “individuals can improve their chances of success by reviewing their work-life balance and committing to prioritising self-care in the same way they would do for work success.”
Motivation partner, personal rewards
One useful approach, says Dr. Creel, could be to reframe outcome-oriented goals as behaviour-oriented goals.
“Sometimes people start out with an outcome goal – such as wanting to lose 15kg. Whereas it could be more effective to identify behaviours that need to change (or that one needs to do) to achieve this goal. For example, they could aim to walk on the treadmill, rather than sitting on the couch, when watching a favourite TV show.”
“This has to be well thought out, so your choice of accountability partner is not counterproductive,” says Dr. Creel. “For example, if you are new to exercising and decide to work out with a friend who doesn’t enjoy exercising, you could easily end up talking each other out of any activity.”
Another measure: use of rewards. “In general, internal motivation is more powerful than external motivation,” Dr Creel says.
“However, when it comes to starting something new, judicious use of rewards can be really helpful. A non-food reward, such as a massage, after a certain number of weeks can keep you motivated as you head towards achieving your overall goal.”
Dealing with stress-eating
If people normally "stress-eat", they could anticipate this by having a prepacked calorie-controlled treat at the back of the cupboard to reach for, which helps eliminate the ‘all or nothing’ feeling that could lead to overeating.
“If there are specific mood disorders that get in the way of success or a person is experiencing an ongoing struggle in an issue such as managing their weight, they could consider seeking support from a psychologist specialized in that area to help them to explore and manage the issue,” Dr. Creel concludes.
Willpower is key
To increase your chances of success, Dr Creel suggests that you prepare and rehearse for temptations and challenges.
“For example, if you want to commit to taking an exercise class every second day, but have previously found that some days leave you too tired to exercise, you could decide beforehand that on days like these you will do at least 10 minutes of exercise, which you can easily fit in while watching a TV program,” says Dr. Creel.
Similarly, a person can identify obstacles such as moods that interfere with good intentions and then think about what has helped to overcome this obstacle in the past, for example socializing might help if someone feels down.
Regarding the incident with the snake: Am I reacting disproportionately? Is it truly a fearsome creature? How valid and precise is this fear? Experts advise taking a step back and evaluating the validity of the thought as one would do for a friend. Meanwhile, I closed the awning windows and cleared the nearby garden. There are other "snakes" in my life, i.e. lack of willpower to exercise regularly, starting projects without finishing them, not resisting carbs, fear of the unknown, among others.
Takeaways
- Self-talk is important because it has a big impact on how you feel and what you do.
- It can be supportive and beneficial, motivating you, or it can be negative, undermining your confidence.
- Overall, fostering a positive and supportive inner dialogue can have numerous benefits for mental health and personal development.
- The way we talk to ourselves – whether it leads to self-motivation or self de-motivation – holds a huge significance. It acts as the narrative that moulds our view of life and guides our approach to challenges and obstacles, and our ability to overcome them.
- Eliminating your inner critic and mastering constructive, optimistic self-dialogue holds only benefits. While some individuals may naturally find it easier to embrace positive self-talk, others might require additional time and effort to cultivate this mindset. Regardless of the initial difficulty, committing to this practice is a valuable endeavor towards self-improvement and enhancing self-esteem.
