There’s an old-fashioned perception that the newborn stage is a mum-only domain, and that dads are secondary in the early days. But while it’s true that dads can’t literally give birth or breastfeed, their role is still absolutely crucial, and a hands-on dad can make all the difference when it comes to establishing successful feeding, family bonding, and safeguarding maternal mental health.
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Here, Malin Ghavami, Head Midwife and Julia Youll, Public Health Practitioner, at Nightingale Health Services shares their tips for how new dads can support new mums during the newborn period…
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SET THE TONE: A new mother (and baby) need peace and quiet around them to help establish a consistent routine of feeding and sleeping, and Dad can help with this. Make it nice and cosy, avoid taking stressful work calls around them, and help to reduce the noise from loud visitors or television shows etc.
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BE AT HER SERVICE: It’s amazing how time-consuming breastfeeding can be at first, and new mums will often find themselves glued with the baby on the sofa. Dads are ideally placed to assist with this - it could include helping with positioning her and the baby for feeds, or making a snack and a drink every time they settle down to feed (a breastfeeding mother needs more fluids and calories than normal to support the breastmilk supplies).
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FETCH SUPPLIES: Offer to pop out and fetch any supplies that might make starting with breastfeeding a bit easier, such as nipple shields, breast shells, nipple cream, nursing pads and a breast pump.
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TRY MASSAGE: Massaging is a wonderful thing to assist with feeding. It not only helps with the let-down reflex by increasing levels of the hormone oxytocin, it also eases strains and pain from the static positions that mum will be in while feeding. A midwife can come and teach the father the right techniques to avoid engorgement.
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BE HER COACH: Be patient and take on the role as her coach, support her when she feels like breastfeeding isn’t working and she’s maybe ready to give up. Help by reminding her that it takes around four weeks for a first-time mum to get breastfeeding fully established. Avoid saying things like “why don’t just give her/him formula?” It doesn’t help and can make frustration worse. If difficulties continue, encourage mum to seek professional help.
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STAY POSITIVE: At the start, bear in mind that your routines, needs and even identities require a bit of re-evaluation and flexibility. There are wonderful and profound life changes that happen to a couple when a new little person joins you, but don’t strive to be perfect. In the early days, simply being showered and having had breakfast is a triumph.
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KEEP COMMUNICATING: Talk through any issues together without putting pressure on yourselves, calling on help as necessary. If emotionally your partner seems unwell or has changed in behaviour she may be suffering from PND and needs to be encouraged to chat to her Midwife or GP.
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BE HER BODYGUARD: Coping with advice from well-meaning friends and family, or even too many visitors can be overwhelming and stressful for a new mum. You may need to act as a gatekeeper to protect her from this.
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DON’T BE TOO PROUD: New mothers can often feel immense pressure to be perfect in every facet of childcare and housekeeping. Help to set the tone of a chousehold that isn’t afraid to lean on others by accepting all offers of help such as cooking, cleaning or the odd cake baking (the extra calories help to boost the breast milk).
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BE HER CHEERLEADER: Always build confidence and boost her by telling her she is doing a great job. Post-birth she may feel particularly hormonal and vulnerable. The odd foot or neck massage and timely snack won’t go amiss either!
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