Ask us: ‘My husband and I can only talk about our kids. How can we reconnect?’

It’s one of the world’s worst kept secrets – parenthood can strain relationships. The roles of husband and wife mutate so subtly into mum and dad moulds that before you know it all you can talk about are diapers and playdates. “Studies have shown that a gradual increase in conflict is likely to occur in couples after having children, followed by a gradual decline in relationship satisfaction,” explains Elaine Maichin, Psychologist, Priory Wellbeing Centre. “After having children, many couples tend to push their romantic relationship to the side, saying they will get back to it after they have taken care of the responsibilities that come with their children.” Here’s how to go back to being you:

Schedule date night: Bene Katabua, Educational Psychologist at Intercare Health Center in Abu Dhabi, says: “Many couples opt for scheduled date nights for times such as these - whereby discussing parenting is off the table and they show interest and affection to one another. These dates can be as simple or as grand as you'd like them to be - with the focus being on showing interest and sharing positive affect. This could be taking a walk, doing a shared activity, going out for a meal, or even taking a weekend away. The options are endless.”

Don’t wait for the ‘right time’: Because that moment may never come. Phrases such as, “Maybe when I am less tired”, or “Let’s get through the toddler stage first”, or “As soon as I get back into shape”, become normalised. Time passes by and couples understandably begin to feel more distant from each other. It is important to work on not forgetting your relationship as a couple during the busy day-to-day life of raising children.

Have a weekly one-on-one check in: Ask each other ‘how are you feeling?’ and really listen to the answer. You are in the unique position to understand each other’s daily responsibilities and know what ‘the other person is going through’.

Try to be spontaneous: “Get a jar and have each other write down different date ideas on little pieces of paper. Decide on a realistic number of dates that you would both be able to make, for example, every week, fortnight or even once a month. At the beginning of the week take turns to randomly choose your date for that week. This helps bring some fun and spontaneity back into the relationship, which helps foster feelings of intimacy with your partner,” suggests Maichin.

Small efforts can do wonders: Make time every day to express gratitude for each other and display gestures – no matter how small - to show that you care, she adds.

Recognise and understand each other’s ‘Love Languages’ and make time each day to show your partner that you care in a way that they will respond to. Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, explains that people respond better to one – or more - of the following ways of expressing love: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of services, gifts and physical touch. Learn your partner’s love language and reconnection becomes easier.

Need intervention? Ask for help: Katabua explains: “In some cases, it may be helpful to consider external support. This could be from a religious leader, a counsellor, etc. i.e. an objective person who can help the couple realign and reconnect.”