Some children are just better at understanding, accepting and showing compassion for other people. It stands them in good stead in company and allows them to recognise, challenge and better their own emotional state.
But it is something one is born with or something that can be learned? Dr Arif Khan, Paediatric neurologist and Founder and CEO at Neuropedia Children's Neuroscience Center, says, “Empathy is an in-built mind’s ability; some people tend to care more while others don't pay attention to what others are feeling or saying. But it is also a skill that can be learned.”
More than one type
There are two types of empathy: Emotional and cognitive.
Emotional empathy: This refers to actually feeling the emotion of another. Whether it is distress or happiness, something extending this sort of empathy would feel a reverberation of either.
Cognitive empathy: This is more of an intellectual process where you can understand what the other person is going through. “This is more like a skill than emotional empathy and takes time to cultivate," explains US-based WebMD.
Empathy, says one theory, is a result of a ‘mirror neuron’ effect. Christian Keysers, of the Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience in Amsterdam, and Valeria Gazzola, explains US-based peer-reviewed journal ‘Psychological Science’, found through their work at the Social Brain Lab that “…observing another person’s action, pain, or affect can trigger parts of the same neural networks responsible for executing those actions and experiencing those feelings first-hand.”
Empathy not only benefits the person individually but in groups, where threats and negative emotions are avoided so that employees can work together and grow as a team, helping each other to succeed without any jealousy, conspiracy and hate.
Why is it so important?
First, there are the obvious reasons – we are hardwired to work for the survival of the species and this calls for working together. Empathy helps.
“This skill not only benefits the person individually but in groups, where threats and negative emotions are avoided so that employees can work together and grow as a team, helping each other to succeed without any jealousy, conspiracy and hate,” says Khan.
“This although is not a straightforward process, with repeated application the brain will train itself to listen and understand other people's feelings. Teaching children to be empathetic is far easier and parents can talk to them about their feelings and ask them about theirs, and they will gradually develop a nature to care and listen to others without disregarding their own emotions,” he adds.
Tips to foster empathy in a child
Encourage empathy in early years: “The importance of encouraging empathy at the earliest of stages cannot be overemphasised. When parents and other caregivers express concern and provide comfort and empathy, they are beginning to model this to the child. Being sensitive to your child’s needs and showing care for him or her, alongside validating their emotional experiences is key,” explains Amelia Simpson, Consultant Psychologist practicing at Reverse Psychology in Dubai.
Face to face time: “Children are constantly observing us – far more than we realise. Therefore, we can role model and inspire empathy quickly, frequently and in small examples. Focus on non-verbal cues as well as verbal cues such as tone of voice, body language and facial expressions. Take opportunities to demonstrate empathy yourself, wherever possible. Children’s people skills will be improved if they can observe and evaluate the critical components of communication with you and their peers.
Children are constantly observing us – far more than we realise. Therefore, we can role model and inspire empathy quickly, frequently and in small examples.
“Instead of asking, ‘How was your day?’ Ask, ‘What was the most important thing that happened to you today? What was the best thing? What was the worst thing?’ Then role play responses that show empathy in tone of voice, body language and facial expressions,” she adds.
Use storytelling to teach: “Story telling can also be great! Don’t be afraid to make up your own creative stories to help facilitate the questions to encourage walking in other people’s shoes,” says Simpson.
“You can also use characters from books or films – asking questions like ‘How do you think the little girl/boy was feeling? What would you do in this situation? What might you feel like in this situation? What was a nice thing to do? Do you like the characters, why or why not? What questions do you have?’,” she adds.
Encourage social interaction: Simpson explains that when a child plays with other children it enables him/her to listen and pick up social cues. Social play encourages them to consider how others feel, share ideas and express feelings. Engaging in free play with others encourages creativity and teaches skills to negotiate and compromise. This also allows for experience that can prompt conversations about why compromise is important and how to walk in other people’s shoes.
Helping around the house: “Engaging your child in helping around the house at an early stage can build confidence, understanding that cleaning requires work and children will subconsciously appreciate and empathise with the present/caregivers ongoing responsibilities (this could include picking up dirty clothes, putting toys away, or helping with putting groceries away),” she adds.
Discuss emotions: Suzanna Varghese, life coach and founder of the game Nudge for Better, explains that talking about emotions can help build empathy. “Let’s say your child is scared of the dark. Instead of saying, ‘There’s nothing to be afraid of’, explore the child’s feelings. Ask, ‘Are you scared of the dark? What scares you about the dark?’
“If your child doesn’t like another child, don’t immediately say, ‘That’s wrong’. Ask why the child feels that way. This can lead to a discussion about the other child’s actions and why the child might be acting that way.
“Never punish a child for feeling sad or angry. Make it clear that all emotions are welcome, and learn to manage them in a healthy way through discussion and reflection.”
When your child shows empathy for others, praise the behaviour. Focusing on and encouraging empathetic behaviour encourages more of it in the future.
Use positive reinforcement: “When your child shows empathy for others, praise the behaviour. Focusing on and encouraging empathetic behaviour encourages more of it in the future,” she adds.
Volunteer your time: When children become actively involved in acts of showing compassion to others, they learn about this value in a very deep and enduring way. Find age-appropriate ways to introduce your child to volunteering such as visiting a nursing home and sharing a craft activity with a resident, serving a meal at a homeless shelter, helping to organise a canned food drive, collecting coats to donate to needy children, or even participating in a charity walk for a specific cause. These activities are at once meaningful and fun, which makes them especially effective in getting kids to routinely think compassionately about the needs of others,” suggests Varghese.
Care for a pet: While this isn’t something that should be done on a whim, bringing a pet into a family is a great way to foster compassion, says Varghese. “Children who care for pets learn important values such as responsibility, unconditional love, empathy, and compassion for all living things,” she adds.
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