What economic meltdown?

Most Indian men are extremely rich but do not know that they are Mr Moneybags because most of their assets are in gold jewellery, which their wives have stashed away in lockers in dusty banks in cities that take two days to reach from here.

To get to that gold you have to take a plane, a train and a bus, and by the time you reach the bank the vacation is over and it's time to come back to Dubai.

Whenever you see millions of Indians scurrying around in foreign lands, working hard and making money, you can be sure that money will unfortunately quickly turn into gold, which they can never get their hands on.

Sometimes, because of lack of time, the gold cannot be ferried home by the wives and is kept here in flimsy lockers in wardrobes and it becomes easy picking for those who watch and wait. The newspaper reports of such thefts usually talk about gold jewellery stolen in kilogrammes, not in grammes, and the victims are invariably an Indian couple.

Most other nationalities are surprised that this Indian couple could amass such wealth, even though they drive around in a "beaten-up Japanese banger".

Like the whizz kids of high finance and money management, Indians know that riches cannot be made overnight. It requires years and years of scrimping and saving to get a healthy bank balance.

The bank balance is meant for two things. One of them is for building a palatial home. You take this bus into the hinterland of India, gazing at the lush vegetation and the meandering river, and as the bus turns the corner, you suddenly come across this gold-coloured two-floor monstrosity which looks like it belongs to the Wizard of Oz, or to a local politician, or to an American from Las Vegas who decided to live in India.

"Welcome to my humble abode," says your host, and you think, "Who is he kidding"? The flooring will be marble, the furniture rose wood and the commode will have a hose pipe next to it just like in starred hotel bathrooms.

The other purpose of money for Indians is to get their daughters married off. I won't get into the murky financial details, but if you see a Bollywood movie you will understand that its not just love that makes the world go round.

"Please, I beg of you, do not shame me in front of the whole village. I place my turban at your feet, please do not cancel the wedding now. My daughter's future is in your hands. I promise, my son in Dubai will send the money soon."

Getting your sisters married off is a big thing with Indians abroad. The whole thing starts off quite melodramatically: "My son, your sisters are your burden now," says the father on the farm one day as he keels over clutching his heart, but with a smile on his face.

Basically, those are the three main uses of money for most Indians. Like most people of wealth, Indians do not flaunt their riches, unless of course, you are from Punjab, then even the fridge comes out into the living room for all guests to see. "Would you like a tall, cool, glass of lassi," asks the hostess, pointing to the silent, large, cream-coloured, food-cooling machine next to your sofa.

If you go to homes in the south of India, you would think the family is on the verge of bankruptcy. But come winter, the family usually heads off to Singapore or Dubai, for shopping, and you guessed right, for gold.

"The best 24 carat gold you can get is in Dubai. Goldsmiths here in India cheat you. They say 24 carat, but you don't know what they are mixing. We are poor people, we can't afford to be cheated. The gold is for our little one here. She is six years old already."