‘Musketeers’ were soldiers who carried muskets, a muzzle-loaded long gun that appeared as a smoothbore weapon in the early 16th century, made famous by the French author, Alexandre Dumas’ novel, The Three Musketeers. So, I came up with my own 2020 version of ‘musketeers’, it is ‘masketeers’- the ones who wear masks to save themselves and others from getting infected by the Coronavirus. Masks have proven to be stronger weapons than muskets. However, they are potent as long as they are worn in the proper manner. With each passing day I come across different kinds of “Masketeers” based on their incorrect style of wearing the mask.
After the year turned dreadfully sour since mid-March, the world turned edgy after facing this existential crisis of Covid-19, we were left to pick up the pieces of our nearly 99% threatened life, with (of all things) a proper mask. With a curated calmness born of being spry at noting discrepancies since childhood, 2020 gave me a new initiative. To identify them that wear the mask in myriad ways endangering not only their own lives but that of others.
As I video-chatted with my mother I could see her house-help Hira, creep up behind her, she tried to look over her head into the screen. There was something dangling from her ear. That was her mask hanging nonchalantly and I wondered what good would it do to wear it thus, like an earring, chandelier style. Then followed a mini-tutorial on my part to teach her the correct way of donning the mask. She smiled after the whole episode, “I know how to wear it but when I don’t want to use it, I use the ear as my hanger, because I don’t carry a bag everywhere.” Thus, you have the “chandelier masketeer”.
The gravest bone of contention that I have with my husband these days is that he wears the mask below his nose until I reiterate the consequences of doing so. Many people love to expose that nose-tip, as if not doing so may lead them to perish. The “Nose-dodger masketeers’ have a lot at stake, I wish they realise that before it is too late.
Tina just posted her photograph on social media, her mask that matched with the print of her dress, was resting diligently on the chin. I wondered aloud to her as to why was she even wearing it. “Firstly, this particular one is tailored on the lines of the one designed by Fiona Clare the UK based designer, for the Duchess of Cornwall. I have begun investing in masks instead of lipsticks. And secondly, my double chin, I need to hide it.” Thus, says the “double-chinned masketeer”, a great fan of The Crown. Then there is my friend’s son, a huge admirer of Virat Kohli, the Indian cricketer, wears a black mask below his chin. It seems that makes him look like his bearded hero!
When I go for my morning walk, I come across the “hairband masketeer”. She wears it like a hairband as she jogs on, she pauses for a while then takes in deep breaths of air. I almost imagine microscopic, spiky monsters gleefully rushing into her nostrils!
A few days back I came across a tweet that showed a strange but a judicious ‘masketeer’, an iguana, a pet being carried by a child. He not only made sure that he himself wore a mask but his pet lizard too was all masked up, as they visited a store. Netizens went berserk over this, emphasising on the fact that if a lizard could wear a mask why couldn’t human beings do the same.
My father, a doctor, is 77 years old, still treats patients. He wears two masks and a face shield. “Would you rather wear a face mask or an oxygen mask (ventilator, et al.)? Do you want to die a lonely death in the ICU?” This is what he never tires of asking his wayward patients.
We have all come this far, let’s persevere a little more till the vaccine comes along. Till then own the virus with your masks like the brave musketeers of yore exhibited their bravery with muskets.
— Navanita Varadpande is a writer based in Dubai. Twitter: @VpNavanita
