I was a little girl in primary school, and I had just watched this movie where the lead actor was an epitome of goodness. I was just so very impressed and was ranting away to glory, eulogising him when I was suddenly stopped dead in my tracks by my more practical elder sibling. He told me that nobody is without faults, that is how nature works and that I need a reality check!
That was my first introduction to shades of grey as I realised that I had been living in a bubble with a strict compartmentalisation of black and white or good and bad. I had the epiphany right then and there that there is a bit of good in all that is bad and a bit of bad in all that is good.
As I grew up, life further taught me that these are relative as well. What I classify as good or bad may not have the same connotations for others. This may vary from people to people as well as from place to place.
Being non-judgemental of people
This revelation has helped me in life tremendously to be non-judgemental of people and their ways and to be more accepting of the differences.
I was reminded of all this as I decided to stop dyeing my hair and sport the salt and pepper look! That I have more of salt and less of pepper is another matter altogether!
I did find it a bit weird that my mind suddenly connected the characteristics in human nature to my hair, of all things, but guess that’s how I am wired.
I did get quite a few questioning looks and comments both witty and empathetic about the hues of what was left of my crowning glory! A whole lot of advice on how I can camouflage the grey, use herbal colourants, or the best brands et al came my way too.
I remembered the panic attack I had about two decades ago when I first spotted the lone grey strand of hair pointing to the sky, right above my forehead. I whimpered about it to a friend who had been down that lane already and she remarked nonchalantly- Isn’t growing old better than dying young?
I was stumped for a retort because I hadn’t looked at life from that perspective, Being alive and healthy is something we take for granted and aren’t grateful for!
A pate full of resplendent colour
Nevertheless, I started prowling around for cures and products that would halt greying or at least slow it down. There were many in the market making tall promises and a pate full of resplendent colours. I fell for most of it and as the greying continued I realised that ageing and greying go hand in hand for most of us unless we are genetically gifted, and did what I then thought was the next best thing: dyeing with herbal or natural stuff.
It turned out to be messy and time consuming and I ended up colouring a few things other than my hair as well.
With advice from peers and veterans I did add a few ingredients into the dyeing mixture too but stopped when I spotted crinkly noses around.
With busy schedules and constraints of time I soon shifted to quick and easy chemical dyes and just as it blackened my white hair, I suspect it whitened the black ones too, rapidly.
This continued for a few years and as and when I failed to keep to the pace of white roots appearing versus my frequency of dyeing, I did get comments and suggestions.
With age comes a change in our outlook which we believe is wisdom. The varied experiences life presents us with, invariably make us rearrange our priority lists.
I am at that point in life where I am filled with an inner peace and the opinions of others don’t affect the tranquillity I have found.
The feeling of liberation that comes with this acceptance is precious and a gamechanger. I wish I had acquired it earlier on in life!
I don’t have to put in time and effort to single out every grey hair and pump in chemicals or stuff, I don’t have to worry about the white roots showing up within no time and I don’t have to put up a pretence of being younger than I actually am.
Grey, silver, white- whatever the shade, it’s beautiful and I gratefully display it as a testimony and gratitude for having spent five decades on this beautiful planet!
I realise that genuineness usually appears in shades of grey and both the hero and villain in that Bollywood flick definitely had shades of grey and not just black or white the ‘reel life’ would have us believe.
My thoughts on this may evolve further but as of now I call the cheers to beautiful shades of grey!
Annie Mathew is an educator and writer based in Dubai
