Strokes — How they can make or break your life

Almost every writer dreams of spending hours at cafés, sipping on a cup of hot coffee while typing away on their laptop, sparing a few moments to scan their surroundings as they look for pockets of inspiration.

Embedded in the corner of a busy street in the city, a peppy little cafe was visited by a lady with curious eyes. She placed her order with the waiter, opened her laptop and noticed a man walking into the cafe, holding his son’s hand rather nonchalantly.

The man seemed to be hooked to his phone, typing and scrolling away. All this while, the quiet little son kept himself busy as he made paper boats out of tissues on the table. Moments later, he yelled, “Daddy, can you please talk to me!”

A few tables away, the lady with curious eyes had been observing them for a while, as she pictured the following scenario:

You return home from work and your partner doesn’t even acknowledge that you’re home. He/she is unable to take their eyes off the TV — that’s a no stroke, one where you feel neglected or ignored; almost making you feel invisible.

As opposed to this — as soon as you’re back home, your partner springs off the sofa, switches the TV off and says, “Hi honey, how was your day? Tell me all about it!” The second scenario is a positive stroke from your partner, one where you are seen, heard, and accepted.

Wondering what strokes are? As part of psychology’s phenomenal field called Transactional Analysis, strokes are a unit of recognition that could be positive, negative, verbal, or non-verbal behavioural reactions to a stimulus. They are inarguably one of the most powerful ways to bring about monumental changes in a person’s life.

With several variations — from a smile to a frown, a nod to a scowl, words of encouragement to blatant sarcasm, strokes can make or break someone’s day or in some cases, someone’s life.

Owing to the current digital era, strokes have morphed into online followers, comments, pictures and even videos. A new follower can brighten one’s day, a single picture posted on Instagram can trigger someone, inspire another, and continued ‘mindless scrolling’ can result in some users rerouting to a complete digital detox as they choose to realign their senses to the here-and-now (from reel to real). All those ‘reactions’ to online posts are nothing but examples of strokes — like, love, angry, sad, to name a few.

“This is the best essay I have read today. Class, make sure you read this story and see how much you enjoy it!” — my English teacher chimed when she pointed to my notebook, as the 10-year-old me beamed with pride. It was the first time someone had praised me for my writing skills, a short story that I had submitted as part of our class assignment.

After school, I ran home to my grandfather (almost like an excited puppy) and showed him my essay. “This is wonderful! I’d invite you to pursue English Literature when you grow up, you’re so good at this!”

This was it. It was in those exhilarating moments of my childhood that I decided — “I want to be a writer.” Simply because of all the positive strokes that I had received as a little kid.

For parents and teachers of today, strokes may play a celestial role in shaping your child’s life. If you think about it — every thought, expression, and action is a stroke. Have you ever noticed how little kids mimic your actions, unknowingly? It is their way of making sense of the world, through you.

So, the next time you return home late from work and your partner stayed awake for you, give them a tight hug. When a parent switches their phone off and decides to hear about their child’s day, you know they care.

For all we know, all those strokes that I received as a child are reasons why I am here today — a lady with curious eyes, typing this story on her laptop in a cosy little cafe. Hint hint.

Hansika Korivi works in Corporate Communications in Dubai