Dear Santa:
I know you’re a busy man right now, But there are some things, if you could see fit, that need sorting out.
I have no idea how you’re going to manage again this year when it comes to delivering presents around the world. Just like last year, there are all sorts of coronavirus regulations in place that must make your job really hard come Christmas Eve.
For starters, there’s the whole mixing of households thing. Depending on where you live, there are limits placed on the number of people who can meet at any one time. I know that’s going to be difficult when you have to go from one house to another, delivering toys and gifts to good boys and girls. Some countries are saying that people from only three households can get together, and that will leave you unable to deliver.
But I’m sure you will manage to get toys for the boys and girls. That’s part of the magic of Christmas, and you always seem to get things done.
Santa, I’m worried too that with all of the little boys and girls and moms and dads that have visited you in shopping malls around the world, you might also be in the front line when it comes to catching Covid. I haven’t seen you wear a mask and I only hope that the coronavirus and all its nasty variants can be held at bay by your big beard. Hopefully that will keep you safe.
Santa, while I’m writing to you about health, I think that come to New Year when you and Mrs Claus are back in the North Pole and able to get a rest.
You know, Santa, medical experts tell us that it’s not a good thing to carry extra weight around your belly.
Santa, health is one thing, but I have also to caution you about your practice of landing your sleigh on the roofs as you go about your business of delivering toys. I’m a little concerned that other delivery drivers who bring parcels during the rest of the year might take to parking their delivery vans on my roof.
As it is, they always double park on the street and cause traffic delays. Can you imagine the world of pain we’d live in if they started trying to park on the roof. As it is, they drive many people up the walls anyway with promising delivery times and then failing to show up.
Santa, while I’m on to you about safety, there’s another thing that needs looking at. I hear you’ve been climbing down chimneys with sacks of parcels. Clearly there are no safety harnesses involved in this chimney work. That’s a blatant and repeated breach of safety rules too. And who knows what types of toxins are found in those chimneys too.
Santa, I don’t know if anyone has mentioned that there might be a bit of an issue when it comes to the way you’re using reindeers to haul your sleigh around too.
The animal abuse rules are being tightened up and, well, some people might have an issue when it comes to Donner, Blitzen, Prancer and the rest. Clearly, they put in a lot of miles every Christmas Eve, covering the world. They might need a break.
It’s about time too, Santa, you looked at the medical condition of Rudolf. His nose shouldn’t be so bright and he might need some veterinary attention. Anyway, thanks for everything. Merry Christmas.
