2022 - New year
2022: Firstly, everything will remain the same Image Credit: Shutterstock

Since I am an expert at many things, let me give you some insights as to what the future foretells for you, no, not whether you will get married in 2022, but real life-changing stuff.

But before we get into the serious business, let me put in a disclaimer here; don’t go and do something stupid, just because somebody like me said so. I am just another guy in the newspaper column, so make sure to exercise due diligence.

Seriously, you do not have to do something like 20 reps of three sets of your leg workout, just be cautious and do not fall for anything you read online or hear from a “friend”.

But that is easier said than done, because one reads about how so many people fall for fake news, or for schemes that supposedly make you richer than the corporate friend.

The adage, a fool and their money are soon parted, is so true as one hears of educated people falling for scams, because sadly, many of us are financially illiterate, due to the horrendous schooling and education system worldwide.

Coping with changes

OK, without wasting much of your precious time, let me get into what I think will change for us next year and how we are going to cope with the changes.

Firstly, everything will remain the same, just as your life came to a screeching halt in 2020, and in 2021. The coronavirus will still be with us in the New Year, though in many new avatars, so just go and buy yourself a fancy face mask, one that can be washed and worn again and again.

Yes, we will need to get vaccinated all over again, this time for Omicron (I am sure you are pronouncing this Greek alphabet wrong, ha ha).

If you are vaccination hesitant, meaning that you are scared the authorities are telling you lies and the vaccination is nothing but a ploy to put you in its control (as anti-vaxxers in the West say), like a zombie, or that the vax will make your health even worse, then you will need to rethink.

Meaningful for society

By the way, if you have heard of a vaccination passport, then you know what I mean. In the future you may not be able to go to any entertainment, a movie or a play without showing a vaccination certificate.

New laws may also come into force (in some countries may be) that you will be sent to a remote island to collect iguana dropping or something meaningful for society (Relax. Just joking).

My next (fun) prediction: The stock market may crash, so keep a lot of cash hidden at home.

As someone said, cash is king, so get a gym bag in which you can carry around the paper money, for emergencies. And remember, do not keep your money under the mattress, that’s the first place your spouse or partner will look.

Sorry, it is too late to do anything about the Climate Crisis, so the best thing would be to buy a boat, not an electric vehicle. Get a boat in which everyone in your family can be seated comfortably, including your grumpy cat.

Floods may be common and people could live in floating homes, which will give you breathtaking changing scenery from your front door as you float by. The humidity in our homes will destroy all the electronic stuff and we will revert to talking or shouting at each other, rather than sending texts or pictures on Instagram.

I have six more important predictions, and if you follow my advice, you will be rich and handsome or pretty, but for these predictions, you will have to purchase my book, “2022 And You Too”. It is at a special price, just for you. I take only DogeCoins.

All the predictions listed are for laughs, by the way.

Mahmood Saberi is a storyteller and blogger based in Bengaluru, India. Twitter: @mahmood_saberi