It wasn’t meant to be — says my horoscope!

Being born into a Hindu family, I have seen my aunt pull out our kundlis (horoscopes) during any small or big crisis, and contact the astrologer next door for a quick fix or a way through. The remedy would always either be in feeding an animal or chanting a mantra. The astrologer would look at the horoscope, and do some numbers on his fingers as his eyes would elevate toward the ceiling while his nose would be staring at me, asking me to behave.

Even as a young kid, I had so many questions as the astrologer would narrate a strong story justifying why the conflict has occurred — how the placement of the sun, moon or other planets has stirred a storm and which of his stated advice would best shield me from further damage.

And before he could finish, I could feel my aunt’s right leg hitting my left to ensure I do not interrupt, which I was very much capable of. Later she followed up, that I do exactly as I’m told to. The astrologer would assign an early morning or peak evening time slot for me to practice his preach, making the task, a trek.

Our consultations tripled as I and my concerns grew. He’d always leave us a hope that good things are in pipeline, but there’s sewage to swim through. Despite multiple readings of the same horoscope, I’d often ask my aunt — ‘why is it that having read my horoscope umpteen times, he never cautions us of any contingencies or things one could avoid?’ Prevention is better than cure, after all.

My aunt, a big fan of astrology, came up in defence — All that one suffers is predestined. The readings won’t change your fate. We don’t come to him to avoid all the drama, we come to him for his storytelling. After all in stories only, we find conflicts leading to happy endings.

For once, I gave it to her. She made sense and so did Panditji. Most of the time, things happened and got better following his instructions, seldom when they didn’t, rationality would call me silly to have such big hopes of an oldie rattling off to make a living.

The subconscious plonk of astrology at an early age often excited me to pick up the newspaper and demystify what the week had in store for me and my loved ones. I’d also often read my crush’s sun sign over mine, first. Clingy.

While the sun-sign predictions lent some perspective and a common ground for chatter back in the day, now when I chalk its outline, it reads like a gimmick. They’ll mostly stress over upcoming travel, a volatile career move, and nuanced areas of love and marriages.

One of those three would fit your life situation at all times and would often bait you to come back next week for another read. It’s just as harmless as it’s useless. Schezwan on the noodles, they even have a lucky number and colour for you. What on earth have people done with lucky numbers, except for sportsmen getting it imprinted on their jersey, and still losing the match.

I was amid plans, and none of them were working out. A vacation that I delayed because I was about to close a deal that was on the edge, just signing formalities, and at the final inch, everything plugged out. I cancelled my vacation as I went on a guilt trip. Nothing was adding up, I was replaying each moment in my head, and calculating where I must have gone wrong?

Had I done it differently, I’d have the big fat cheque and I’d be on my holiday, living the dream. I picked up the phone with my aunt, who then confirmed — Pandit ji had said that the ongoing phase will be ‘100 attempts, all 100 futile’. Nothing would move, and the best would be to just sit tight.

I found solace in knowing that even if I had done any better than I did, it’d have met the same fate. The deal had to fall apart and as much as my mind tells me that a different approach would have fetched a different result, it wouldn’t have.

One time my friend was reading through his horoscope to validate his mood swings. I heard him mummer, ‘which planet do I blame my anger on. mmm. ?’ I quietly conveyed ‘earth’. Blame it on earth. “Can’t blame me for getting late, I’m a Gemini” friend.

Ashish Dewani is an avid traveller and writer. Twitter: @a5hush