When Priyanka, a young friend, announced, over a cup of coffee, that she was moving to New York ‘to eke out a living’, I almost dropped my scalding beverage.
Now Priyanka is the scion of wealthy parents who have a thriving business. She can comfortably live off her parents, and, if she chooses, contribute by way of a few forays into their business. The red carpet of privilege is already rolled out, just waiting for her well heeled shoes to glide on.
And here she was, taking on the big bad world, across the Atlantic. It was unfathomable. “I need to be ME”, she said, with steely determination in her eyes. Suddenly, she seemed taller, as I looked at her with new respect.
I understood that Priyanka needed to find her voice, her unique meaning in the world.
It takes courage to be authentic: to be who you are both inside and out; to mean what you say and say what you mean.
Each of us is the sum of our beliefs, values, upbringing, interests, skills, passions, gifts and that is what makes us unique and individual.
How discordant it is to play pretend, to live a lie, to don the garb of a sheep, while hiding the wolf within; or just the opposite.
We can veer away from our truth by the expectations of our peers, parents or even our own pretentious ego. Societal constraints or economic restrictions can also frustrate our destiny. We can have the misfortune of never finding our groove, expressing our voice or living a life resonant with our meaning and purpose.
A culture vulture
We have, all, at one time or another, hidden a smile at someone’s skin deep affectations to appear either super affluent, a culture vulture or extraordinarily intellectual. The mask slips from time-to time and the truth is out!
And how comfortable it is to be in tune with oneself, to mirror externally what we truly stand for. There is a serenity and satisfaction that emanates from persons who have found themselves and are unafraid to express it.
However, finding oneself and then proceeding to live authentically is a journey, rife with many twists and turns.
I studied in a heritage boarding school perched atop a mountain. During that interminable tenure, (seven years is a long time in childhood), my most cherished and fervent wish was to be a star athlete. In school, the only heroes were the sport stars.
It didn’t seem to matter what else one might excel in, the accolades and hero worship was reserved for those who had the requisite brawn and skills on the playing field. Alas! When I repeatedly found myself among the stragglers on the racing track and when I couldn’t make the hockey team; I realised that this dream was not for me. I buried my nose in a book hereafter and decided to take my bows through academics.
When I hit the big bad city in college, I decided that I wanted the glamorous life of a model. Once again, my ambitions were given short shrift. I was not statuesque enough, nor confident enough.
I decided to be a teacher instead.
I have to used this platform to find the meaning and purpose in my life: to endeavour to make a difference in the lives of students and colleagues, to find self- expression in myriad ways by dabbling in other interests: dance, drama, poetry and writing. A teacher’s mantle gives me the space to find my authentic self and my cup grows full.
Recently I have been delving into the Japanese philosophy of Ikigai. This is a holistic and harmonious way of life where you never retire; rather find meaning and purpose through authentic living and continue to contribute to society.
A meaningful life
How masterful is that!
An aunt has joined a spiritual commune where people from all walks of life come together and live holistically: they use their individual skills to contribute to society. Thus, one might teach pro-bono in the community school, an engineer might help the village, the doctor would treat the poor. Everyone works on the land where organic vegetables are grown.
Closer to home, my mother-in -law, who was a doctor, was unable to practice as she followed her husband around the world; and yet found her meaning by teaching the skills of knitting, cooking and stitching to neighbours and family, treating the poor for minor ailments and being Aunt Agatha for many. When she died, her funeral was attended by hundreds of people who ratified the difference she had made in their lives. Her life had been meaningful, for sure!
Spiritual gurus and philosophers extol the virtues of living a life where the end game is one’s own funeral. How would you like to be remembered? What is your legacy? If we use these considerations as our guiding north star, we can fashion our most authentic and meaningful life.
At present I would like to be able to look squarely at the woman in the mirror and sincerely say, “I am living my authentic life with the best version of myself!”
Rashmi Nandkeolyar is the Principal and Director of Delhi Private School Dubai and the author of several books for children.
