In artificial, we trust!

“So, I first sweat at work to make that dollar, and then I spend that dollar at gym to sweat a bit more,” I mused as I stood outside the gym crawling my body inside, kissing my soul goodbye.

Gym locker room, interiors, evening.

Rustic grey walls surrounded keyless lockers, woodcut benches and the man-made machines that sat on them. The room reeked of deodorant, loud chatter, and snobbish pride. The attire theme inside appeared that of a beach party or men just intentionally forgot to sleeve their 16’ biceps. The place seemed like a backstage set for a modelling show.

I felt the same energy of a geek entering a classroom on the first day of school.

Thanks to phones, one can just look busy and pass across the awkwardness of anything. My pretend-busy walk into the room and bump!

‘Hello, Ashish!‘ said the guy. (Although it’s always good to hear your name, my heart here must have skipped a beat)

Hey Vijay! I put my hand across to shake as he was shaking his protein sipper. Awkward.

The guy has square boxed chest hung below the mountain shoulders, melting into a V shape larva, then hinged to the 3D surrounded thighs, and calves with a baby bump to it. I cuddled his esteem as I spoke highly of his freshly baked body.

How long have you been gym-ing? The curious journo in me stood his mic.

“6 months, buddy,” He grinned. “Why haven’t you been working out? If I had your height, I’d be in Bollywood” he exclaimed! *Sweet socially distanced slap*

(He forgot to mention my face as well, but OK. Remind me to unfollow him later)

I asked If I were dating the wrong gym? As opposed to my frequency, my beach body still seems like a dream.

“It’s my secret sauce, he winked”.

The marketeer came out of the closet quickly — ‘It’s the supplement, buddy. Safe and natural’, he implied. ‘I can get you at special rates.’

My eyes couldn’t help but wander across a lot of acne on his back, almost like stars in a clear sky.

He insisted I must join the cult, else it’s miles to run before I sleep.

I have my doubts. I put on my Google glasses and found: “The hormonal disbalance further impacting kidney or liver. The body may achieve desired results, but then other desires exasperate inside the bedroom. The hair also loses its roots like it’s autumn for trees.”

Not sure, as I slept over it.

At another point I met this Instagram influencer friend of mine who promotes cosmetics.

The vivid memory that I hold of her from childhood is that of a nerd. People come a long way from where you once leave them.

Now everything is sketched about her existence. From her plasma forehead to those sunsetting eyes, her lips resemble a heart shape, and the jaw is two bold lines expanding from both ends of her face to meet at the very centre of the chin. Her face could help students learn geometry better.

God, what did you do? I ewww’d.

Don’t be jealous of my work, she ewww’d back.

(Got work done is the new word for getting those corrections and Botox)

So hiding your age? Typical-boy remark that I had to pass.

‘I do not see these surgeries as “stalling ageing and wrinkles”. To me, Botox means “youth, eternity, and to keep dreams forever”’, she quoted from a movie.

I admired her courage to experiment with her looks — sure she looks so chic. But one can only postpone the ageing and not prevent it. And what fears me are the plastic-looking results by the end.

The urge of becoming the best version of yourself is a hard temptation. And if the opportunity is to strike youth twice, then indulgence becomes necessary — but the advice should come from a professional dermatologist or a nutritionist for supplements and not from following celebs, a gym trainer or a make-up vlogger trying their hands at affiliate marketing.

We all listen to then, future and lasting! But now, instant and imprudent are more relatable!

Ashish Dewani is an avid traveller and writer. Twitter: @a5hush