Grammar grief and hospitality woes

So I recently started managing a family property that has been on Airbnb for a while. My sister used to manage it earlier but now that she no longer has the time, the responsibility has come to me, since I have no such shortage. She supervises my work, and I defer to her for her greater knowledge and experience.

For most part, it’s been smooth sailing. Interaction with guests is usually brief and pleasant. But then an occasional prospective guest comes along, who makes you wonder if all the money in the world is worth this?

So this person, let’s call him or her ‘T’ for trouble, started off inquiring innocuously enough, asking questions like how far the property was from main town and a few others questions. As is my custom, I sent a fairly detailed reply, with all the information T had asked for, plus several other points which normally come up as questions before booking.

These include details on cooking arrangements, caretaker, Wi-Fi, drinking water, music and partying etc. It is my expectation that after such a detailed reply, there’ll be very few questions forthcoming. Sadly that logic did not work with T.

This was late in the night, still I received four more questions, all of which were already answered in my detailed message (if only T had bothered to read it), in four separate subsequent messages sent after a few minutes interval each. I decided to deal with them in the morning.

So in the morning, I replied and it was at this point that things started getting interesting. So I’m recording the exchange below, in form of T’s messages, my replies, my private thoughts and the messages that I sent to my sister simultaneously for venting.

T’s message: “10 guests can stay in this homestay” (please note the lack of a question mark at the end of the sentence)

My private thoughts: “Wow! I never knew that! Looks like you’ve gone and added rooms there”

My message to my sister: “Can I be rude to this person called T who is inquiring about staying?”

My reply to T: “No, our maximum capacity is only 7 people”.

My sister’s reply to me: “By all means be firm, not rude”. She’s being diplomatic.

My reply to my sister: “But I want to be rude.”

Next message from T: “Mobile network works at this location” (Again, note the lack of any punctuation. Now, I’m not a grammar Nazi. I’m a liberal. I restrain myself from pointing out such mistakes. The other day, I read a post on a women’s community stating “which is the best steamer for cooking ladies”. I refrained from replying, ‘why do you want to cook ladies? Couldn’t you cook vegetables instead?”)

My reply to T: “Yes”

T’s reply: “I asked becoz mobile networks do not work in remote locations sometimes”.

My private thoughts: “Jeez, I never knew that.”

My message to my sister: “Can I complain to Airbnb?”

My reply to T: “Most networks catch some signal at our property.”

T’s message: “Hmm OK. WiFi will work there..?” (Please note that the information about Wi-Fi had already been provided in my very first detailed message to T, however I’m too tired to point this out now)

My private thoughts: “read the message/listing, bozo”.

My message to my sister: “Why? Why? Why?”

Sister does not reply.

My reply to T: “No, we don’t have a wifi router.”

T’s message: “Hmm ... that means mobile data is to be used”.

My private thoughts: “What genius! What amazing perspicacity to draw this inference! This person should be teaching the logic course I’m taking.”

T’s message after some time: “Drinking mineral water bottles will be provided by the home stay which is a basic requirement ...?” (Please note that information about this had already been provided in my first detailed message)

My short reply: “No.”

T’s message: “How people drink water then ...”

My message to my sister: “I’m jumping off my balcony.”

My private thoughts: “Tell T they drink rum instead of water”.

My sister’s reply: “In that case, can I have your solitaires?” I sense a distinct lack of sisterly feeling here.

My reply to T’s message: “They usually carry their own water”.

My message to my sister: “I’m blocking off the dates that T is inquiring for so that I do not have to answer any more questions”.

My sister replies with a thumbs-up. She’s not that unfeeling after all.

T’s message: “is music and partying allowed at the home stay”

By this time, I have blocked off the dates from the calendar.

My reply: “T, unfortunately the dates you have asked for have already been taken up by someone else. So we won’t be able to host you. Have a good day.”

I return to my logic course with a sigh of relief. In five minutes, another ping.

T’s message: “In the following week is it available?”

My message to my sister: “He loves me! Sad emoji”

My private thoughts: “Damn, now I’ll have to block that week as well.”

Just then, I finally strike luck. Someone books those dates right then and there. So I can tell T with absolute honesty

My reply to T: “sorry, not available.”

After fifteen minutes, T’s reply: “OK”

Me doing a happy dance. I send a message off to the person who had booked for the following week: “Thank you for booking.”

My private thoughts: “you have no idea how much I meant that!”

I’m hoping to not hear from T again.

Sharmistha Khobragade is a freelance writer