Super saloon contest: Jaguar XFR, Cadillac CTS-V and Audi RS6

You pretty much had two choices if you wanted a fast saloon in the Eighties: BMW or Mercedes. The M5s started rolling out of Munich in 1985, and Merc's AMG saloons really took off in the same year, when the two companies formed an official partnership. Sure, you had a few Lotus Carltons later, but those were just pumped-up Opels, and then also some wild rear-drive Alfas and a Ferrari-engined Lancia Thema, but come on, get serious.

It's the Germans that commanded the scene, but the story is slightly different today.

Merc's latest AMG E63 still isn't here and we'll give it a once-over soon enough, and BMW's new M5 is a good year away. So the three you see vying for the championship title on these pages are our pick of the greatest super-saloons on sale in the UAE: the Jaguar XFR, the Cadillac CTS-V and the Audi RS6. A Brit, a Yank and a German. There will be blood.

Jaguar XFR

The Jag has one battle won already and we haven't even started. It is undoubtedly the most beautiful car here; it's like Megan Fox in the company of Ellen DeGeneres and Roseanne Barr.

Every line is just on-the-dot faultless and the R bits don't make it any less elegant than its standard ilk. It gets shinier grille surrounds, bonnet gills with ‘Supercharged' grooved in them, the same treatment on the 20in wheels and a couple more R pieces inside on the seats and dash trim.

Looks aside, the engine is the highlight. It's Jaguar's new supercharged 5.0-litre V8 (there's also a normally-aspirated one), good for 503bhp and also found in the XKR coupé and the new Range Rover Sport. It may be low on power (503 horses can be deemed as low only in the company of the monstrously powerful Cadillac CTS-V and Audi RS6), but the delivery of those horses is sublime and the 625Nm of torque sure make their presence felt. The power is always linear and responsive. There's go through the entire 6,500rpm rev band, and the noise is sweeter than even the American's big 6.2-litre.

The Jag's the classiest inside too, but a bit cramped out back. Even though all three are big cars, none are too generous with rear leg-room. The XFR also has a fantastic Bowers & Wilkins sound system, adaptive cruise control, the most spoiled cow-hide and a simple yet functional switchgear arrangement. The steering wheel feels the most perfect in your hands, even if the paddle shifters are too small. Although they move with the column when you turn, which is very handy and something too many cars omit.

Then there's the ride, which is also a winner. Despite the modern styling and new technology — active differential control and direct injection, which means more power, more economy — it's a proper Jag when it comes to comfort. The suspension soaks up all that the Audi and Cadillac magnify. The light steering — even too light — makes it feel half its size and weight, and it's already 100kg lighter than the RS6 and about 60 or so slimmer than the CTS-V. Still, the lack of weight doesn't equal more speed. It's the slowest; 0-100km/h takes 4.9 seconds. And that diff doesn't help its nervous back end, which is twitchy through badly-cambered roads, twitchy over crests and twitchy at launch, with a ridiculously sensitive throttle pedal that takes some getting used to. But hey, to some people beauty is all that matters, and with the Jag's attractive price, we may as well end this story right now. Although, this is a super-saloon feature, and with the rabid Audi and Caddy duo waiting for their turn, the Jag ends up as just a fantastic saloon that also happens to be quite fast. Just not super fast.

Specs

Cadillac CTS-V

This one's got the right idea. It's butch and more pumped up than the other two, with a monstrous power bulge that looks like it's concealing a giant version of that horrible thing that burst through that guy's stomach in Alien. And there is actually a monster in there; an old-fashioned, supercharged 6.2-litre, 556bhp Yank brute that's tasked with propelling 1,950kg and relies on power alone. And the only thing the Caddy's big-block wants to do is smell burning rubber. Or is that just me?

The powerplant is a bit like Big Moose in Archie comics; it goes “D'uh'', but gets the job done, and then some.

If you so much as blink, the vibrations sent through your body from your eyelids will unsettle the throttle pedal enough to take about half-an-inch off that tyre. And there is a lot of tyre; 225/40 fronts and 285/35 rears. Iron Maiden should use the CTS-V on their next world tour as a smoke machine.

It would engulf an entire rock arena in thick, vaporised-Michelin smoke. The crowd could also benefit from the hallucinogenic effect of the harmful chemicals in the rubber. I know, because I wound the windows right down and basked in the stuff.

So the Caddy is a lot of fun, in the sort of way that family saloons really shouldn't be. I mean, you're not going to pick your kids up from school and then take them for a spin and some doughnuts, are you? Not Caddy style doughnuts, anyway.

Its power is immense, sure, and the steering is good enough, the ride is on the harsh side for an American car and the suspension sits level most of the time. The dampers are compliant and inspire confidence, but with the TC off, you best leave the accelerator pedal alone. Well, unless you're sponsored by Michelin. In fact, the Cadillac CTS-V feels a lot like a BMW M5, which is great. It's just that the other two feel better. And faster, even though on paper they're not. The Caddy's 0-100km/h time of 3.8 seconds should obliterate even the Audi, but it really doesn't feel that brutal. I must admit, I never ran those high threes; you can only get those times with optimal conditions — perfect surface, perfect tyres, perfect temperature, perfect driver.

Crucially, though, it handles confidently without nervously unsettling the rear through throttle-input alone. And best of all, it's fantastic in the city and on highways. In fact, that's its best attribute. So it's not really a super-saloon in practice if what it does best is mild cruising. But then there is the Caddy's price, which is unbelievable at Dh270,000. Until you check out the interior, that is. It's filled with cheapish trim, plastics that would be shamed by Christmas-cracker toys, but the carbon-titanium trim looks great. Still, the seats are the best in this group and are lined with supple leather, there is loads of space and it does the family thing by the book. But every time you notice the trim and those Chevy sun visors, you'll be reminded why the Caddy CTS-V is so affordable.

Specs

Audi RS6

I understand that some would argue that the Audi RS6 shouldn't have been included in this shootout. It's not exactly a super-saloon. It's a supercar with four doors.

This thing is epic. It's a living legend.

One day, tales will be told — “A long, long time ago, in a land, far, far away, there once was an Audi RS6.''

Its engine is a masterpiece that can bully even the V12s under Ferrari bonnets and the V10s behind the drivers of Lamborghini Gallardos. How can it possibly be sane to fit two turbos to a 5.0-litre V10 and extract 572 horses out of the thing? When do you reach a point in your life when you think to yourself, “What I need to provide for my family of four is a nice Audi, with four doors, a big boot, an acceleration time of 4.5 seconds and a 300km/h top speed''?

This car is bordering not just on the wrong side of common sense, but legality as well. It is mythically fast. Once the quattro squats and shreds the tarmac with 143 horses galloping through each of the Pirellis, a wormhole to hell opens up ahead of you and the world behind disappears in a furious haze of carbon monoxide gushing through the twin pipes flanking the rear diffuser.

And don't let the quattro all–wheel-drive give you a Walter Röhrl-ish ego. The RS6's steering — which is overly electronically-assisted — and handling can only be compared to the cars that have big block numbers on the doors, drivers' blood types on the windows, and oil-company advertising all over the body work. In other words, race cars.

It is as sure footed as a mountain goat and those P-Zeros simply won't let go of their vice-like grip on the tarmac, no matter how determined you are. Its abilities are simply unbelievable. One moment you're cushioned deep in the surprisingly comfortable (but rather untastefully red) Recaros, engine whirring away quietly at about 1,500rpm and 120km/h, and the next you drop down three cogs and split the horizon in half as you rocket into the sixth gear in the tiptronic box and onto a limited top speed. Audi says it will do 250km/h, but you can hit 270km/h without a sweat (I wasn't brave enough to aim for more, but I just know that 300 is a possibility), and then stop dead in a straight line with no snaking or weaving across the road.

The funny thing is, it doesn't even look that vicious. Apart from 19in rims and seriously flared wheelarches, and, OK, that diffuser with the bucket-wide exhaust pipes, it looks just like an A6. People won't even give you a second glance. Until a Ferrari 599 GTB rolls up besides you, puts foot and initially gains a lead, then your turbos kick in and you devour him for the next 200km/h.

And talking about Walter Röhrl back there, you really would need his kind of skills to extract ten-tenths from the RS6.

I know, I drove the living daylights out of it and the car merely let out a sigh. I entered familiar corners at twice my regular speed, the back end suggesting only the slightest bit of give and saying, “That all you got, chump?'' I felt subordinate in this car. I felt unimportant. I was just an obstacle in the way of its manic onslaught on the road. This car can do so much more than I could ever handle. Some may say that it's easy performance, and it is, because it's insanely fast, even at half-throttle all day long. And seven-tenths would give you a rush you could never get from a stressed encounter with a Lamborghini or Ferrari.

Plus, the Audi RS6 is reachable, attainable. It's Dh450,000, sure, but at least it's not supercar money, which would be twice that. And it easily could be.

Specs

The verdict

The gorgeous Jag and the brutish Caddy are great cars, and are arguably better value than the Audi. But I say forget the price; even at Dh800,000, I'd still get the RS6 over even a Gallardo. All that, plus four doors and a boot? Thank you very much.

The upcoming V8 twin-turbo BMW M5 and Mercedes E63 AMG will have to be nothing short of phenomenal to claw back some of Audi's new-found respect in the super-saloon world. So, sorry Jaguar, and sorry Cadillac, but there's a new sheriff in town, and the name is Audi. And he's laying down the law.