Thank you

As a form of literary therapy, I've recently shared some thoughts with you about the complex situation I face regarding the failing health of my dad, and the general concerns of knowing that both my parents are facing the problems of old age without me being around to help them.

First, I want to thank all those who chose to write in with their kind thoughts; it is much appreciated. One of the reasons I write about this stuff that's happening and the thoughts and challenges that it triggers for me personally, is that I am sure the subject resonates with all of us who are working in a land away from our dearest but now not-so-nearest. Also, as I ponder this matter more deeply, as I am prone to do right now, the distance that exists between us and our folks need not only be the physical, but the separation caused by the parent-child dynamic and the struggle to play those pre-defined roles in what is surely one of the greatest challenges of life.

I have so many thoughts running through my head all the time these days, that question the nature of the relationship I have cultivated with my parents. In a lot of ways, I am so much like my mum she is an absolute angel who has a heart as big as a planet. She gives so much of herself, always sending cards on birthdays, keeping in contact with not only all our relatives but many of my close friends.

I noticed on my recent London trip that something has shifted in our relationship: I see that she now sees me as an adult and is willing to heed some of my advice. I find her more willing to share some of the worries she has about life and how to live it. It might be as simple as taking my advice on the kind of juicer to introduce to her kitchen so she can make fruit and vegetable blends for an easy fix of vitamins and minerals.

I realise that, despite old age ailments creeping up on her, she has a fantastic spirit and keeps herself an active part of the community.

My real issues of late are with my poor old dad, who really is very ill and quite frankly, is just surviving. Dad is a real man's man. If I describe him as "old school", it doesn't quite do justice to him he is like the unapproachable professor of the old school! He is one of those proud men who worked hard every day to put food on the table. But emotional connections weren't really his thing. Even on the best of days, he wasn't the sort of dad you could shoot the breeze with.

As poor health consumed him, he withdrew into himself and we all have the decency to leave him alone and relax rather than try to engage him. On my recent trip, I came to realise this might not be the best approach, so I really tried to keep beside him, so if nothing else, he would feel my presence. I don't get too hung up on regrets but I do wish that there wasn't such an emotional distance between us. As I mentioned before, it is probably too late now to start trying to say all the things that need to be said. Piercing that emotional barrier at this stage might be too much for both of us to bear. I just know that between us, we have a love and respect for each other that words alone cannot capture.

Thoughtfully Yours,