Small talk

I am back in London right now taking care of some family matters and it gives me the opportunity to put myself back into the swing of London life.

One of the things that I noticed straight away on my first safari into the city is the amount of idle conversation the folks of London are willing and able to get into. Now don't get me wrong: I am naturally a very approachable character and in Dubai I can strike up a repartee with complete strangers over the smallest things in order to break the ice... but in England we have perfected the art to a whole different level!

"Been waiting long?" was suddenly fired at me one sunny but rainy and blustery morning while waiting at a bus stop. So lost was I in my own thoughts of friends back in Dubai that for a moment the old man asking the question might well have been talking some alien language. He obviously picked up on my confusion and thus repeated the question, this time slower and louder, deliberating over every word.

"B e e n w a i t i n g l o n g?" My initial reaction was to answer "My whole life, mate!" thinking that he was asking a profound question about the meaning of our existence and the quest for self-fulfilment. Then I realised that all he was after was whether I had been waiting long for a bus so that he could gauge if there was likely to be one coming in the not-too-distant future!

This little exchange then sparked a gaggle of chat among the assembled folks at the bus shelter, all prophesying if there could be a bus in the terminal waiting to set off, as well as recounting lots of mythical tales of what might have happened somewhere en route to leave us at a bus shelter beyond the expected time of arrival. I had to shake my head in despair and thank my lucky stars that I had escaped this existence where the arrival or non-arrival of a bus could have any real relevance to my life. It really is one of the things that I identify as "sooo English" and as sweet as it is, the normal-ness of it all just drives me crazy!

Funnily enough, when I was a teenager, I met a girl who became a friend at that bus stop for four years so it does hold some strange memories for me. Thinking back, if she had asked me the "Been-waiting-long?" question the first time I saw her, I could have smartly answered "A short while but you are here now!"

However, I would have lacked the confidence and lyrical dexterity (and smugness, come to think of it) to have come up with such a smarmy line. I would have just sneered and tried to look cool. Well as cool as you can look while waiting for a bus.

All this focus on "small talk" makes me think about its polar opposite: "big talk". It's not such a recognised phenomenon as its pointless counterpart and doesn't seem to play as big a part in everyday life as it should.

If you are keeping up with the news right now from England, there is a major scandal with elected MPs spending the taxpayers' money on frivolous luxuries to feather their own nests. This really is a despicable abuse of public trust and funds.

If the public were motivated enough with all the multi-media weapons open to them, there should be an uprising of sentiment to have each shameful politician found to have abused the system, forced to repay every penny of what was claimed and then resign from their posts.

Sadly, the public seem more motivated to watch Britain's Got Talent and spend their own money voting for a woman who sings old show tunes like an angel.

Sometimes Size Does Matter-ingly Yours