Perennial fools

April 1, 2009 began like any other day. The sun was up, a gentle breeze wafted through the open window and in the hazy distance my telephone rang.

“The recession is over,'' said the excited caller at the other end of the line. “While drilling new oil wells, the UAE struck upon an underground shaft that has a three-mile-thick gold vein worth $350 billion, and this is to be used to pump up the economy.''

My natural optimism and my sleepy head allowed me for a flicker of a moment to believe that my harbinger of good news was serious; until it dawned on me that it was Fools' Day and I was the 6am mark.

It did not get any better later in the day. A very good source in a government department sent me a press release that a decree was passed late evening of March 31 that required all LLC companies to provide a 20 per cent salary increase to their employees from April 1, 2009 as relief for the growing number of working hours and the lack of a proper overtime system. The decree also announced the provision of 20 days of casual leave every year.

Kippreport.com went one step ahead with a report that the Dubai Behavioural Monitoring Authority (DBMA) had announced plans to introduce a gender-segregated portal to put an end to online flirting. The report further went on to add that all internet activities in the emirate will have to take place through the portal and will require a log in name and password.

All internet users over the age of 11 will be required to register.

What really impressed me throughout the day was that despite becoming the whipping posts of budget cuts, staff cuts and perks cuts most denizens of Dubai have not lost their ability to laugh at themselves and their situations.

The one that took the cake with the cherry on top is the advertisement by BAC Middle East – an executive recruitment agency – for a Dubai-based astronaut with a plucky can-do attitude and previous experience in overcoming serious adversity and immense odds to survive.

The candidate also must be in excellent physical condition, must work all hours and must not suffer from any ailments that may cause the mission even mild inconvenience.

The remuneration of course involves an astronomical salary and out of this world benefits...