Meet my friend, Unicorn

Four of Jana's friends – Belle, Heba, Esmat and Unicorn – attend a school that's different from the one she goes to. They travel by limousine and return home at the same time as she does. They play together after school. On certain days they visit their favourite mall because Belle, a 12-year-old girl, loves to shop for clothes with dinosaur and lion designs.

The youngest, one-month-old Esmat, has to be carried. Jana volunteers with alacrity as he constantly gurgles and laughs. The oldest is a 13-year-old girl named Heba.

She is a risible character who cracks them up with comic antics and never picks a fight. Unicorn, five, trots along, hunting for adventure; last month she was in Russia.

Jana loves these four friends fiercely. "They will be my friends forever," she says in a lilting tone. As she talks about her friends, she divulges details like how she shares her food with them, except mushrooms, because "Belle hates them".

They are obedient, she says, and listen to her when she says, "Can you clean up, please?" She indulges them with new pencils and clothes, even for Unicorn, her pet.

When they are by themselves, they speak just like children would – loud, animated and uninhibited. However in the presence of strangers or elders the voluble talk turns to whispers.

"That's because only I can hear and see them! They are my imaginary friends," says Jana, squealing in delight.
Children like Jana who create Imaginary Companions or ICs aren't alone.

Emerging research suggests that it's more common to have ICs than not. Once a sign associated with loneliness and social incompetence, it is now a part of natural development.

Jana, eight, is a bright, cheerful, grade-three student. She is sociable, loving and amenable. She gambols about with her real friends from school and the neighbourhood.

She dresses her dolls, decorates their dollhouse, plays the Nintendo DS and loves the park. She lives with her younger brother Faisal Adam, mother Heba Hani, and uncle Esmat Hani, in an apartment on the Palm Jumeirah, Dubai.

Jana says, "Mummy knows about my imaginary friends, but she doesn't know their personalities, features or what they do. I don't think she'd be interested."

Thus her mother doesn't know baby Esmat is bald, crawls under beds and naps with Jana; Belle has long hair like Jana and travels by private jet to visit Nicole, Jana's best friend in Ghana; Heba wears T-shirts and jeans and reads a lot; and Unicorn is nicknamed rainbow since she has a multicoloured mane.

Jana was introduced to three of her ICs at music class last year when her best friend Nicole casually asked her whether she had any. Since Jana didn't, Nicole offered to create a
few for her.

Jana recalls being very excited. "I told Nicole I wanted two girls and a pet. Later I added Esmat. That's why he is so young," she says.

The subject of ICs has suffered trenchant assessment, especially by influential psychologists including Jean Piaget who theorised in the '60s that ICs reflect immature thinking.

Since then studies into early childhood development have disproved Jean's inferences and conclusions and attached positive attributes to ICs.

Several experts have explained in detail the psychology behind it, notably psychologist Dr Marjorie Taylor and her colleagues at the University of Oregon, US.

In the '30s, about one child in nine admitted to having an IC. This figure has doubled to more than two-thirds since, they say.

The dissension on the subject still exists, and many strongly repudiate the original definition of an IC: a child's fanciful or invented friend, playmate or associate, often believed in with delusional conviction.

"The word delusional implies an abnormal state of mind. Clearly this isn't the case in the light of new research," says Jennifer Hies, psychologist at the British Institute for Learning Development in Dubai. "The definition today is much more nuanced," she adds.

ICs are temporary

Jana was three when she first spoke of ICs. Her mother, Heba, regional director of a Dubai-based pharmaceutical firm, recollects the incident with marked lightheartedness.

"My sisters were visiting from Jordan at the time,'' recalls Heba. "We were on the couch, engrossed in conversation. Suddenly Jana interrupted, ‘Everybody get dressed! A family is coming home.'

I told her we weren't expecting anybody. Yet she insisted we make space on the couch for this family of four [father, mother and children]. Just then the doorbell rang. We nearly jumped out of our skin.

It was the pizza delivery boy!"

Since then Jana has created several ICs. Most have disappeared. Psychologists say children may create one or multiples at a time.

Often referred to as the revolving door phenomenon, ICs come and go. "Children create ICs to assist them in some way.

They are likely to disappear when the child doesn't need them. Mental health workers look at the behaviour as purposeful whether conscious or not," says Jennifer, explaining parents should think of ICs as normal as long as the child doesn't display antisocial or emotionally-disturbing traits.

Though Jana doesn't "introduce" her ICs to her mother or allow them to interact, Heba doesn't mind it and finds this form of pretend play amusing and comforting.

"I know Faisal and Jana talk to their ICs and have discussions about them," says Heba, adding, "I believe children need space to explore their creativity and imagination. Their private fantasy world is their land of Narnia."

As a parent, Heba understands how Jana tries to relate to her environment and everyday happenings. "I know she extrapolates bits of reality into her imaginary world. When her best friend Nicole moved away to Ghana, she kept saying she wanted to visit her. Now her imaginary friend Belle visits Nicole. In addition, two of her imaginary friends are named after her uncle, Esmat, and me."

Natural developmental process

ICs can be playmates and confidants as humans, animals or personified objects like toys and action figures.

It is common for children to confer human characteristics to inanimate objects, a fact corroborated when Jana says, "My pet Unicorn is my child. I dress her in cool clothes so she can be very fashionable."

Children tend to attribute human qualities to objects for social interaction, says Jennifer. "In some cases an IC can be an invented enemy used to conquer or vanquish."

Children create them as fantasy play to solve or communicate simple problems and share secrets. The personality of the IC can vary depending on the child's creativity and external stimuli.

They pick traits from family, friends, students, electronic games and television.

The personality of an IC also depends on gender. Fantasy, which was initially thought to be more prevalent among girls, isn't the case.

"Boys and girls engage equally," says Jennifer. "The difference is boys choose action-based, powerful ICs whereas girls have a proclivity towards a friendly, reciprocal temperament," she says. In Jana's case for instance, two of her ICs – Heba and Belle – love to play with dolls and dress up just as she does.

So, up to what age are ICs normal? This question is yet to be answered. Early research suggested they were common among preschoolers and school-age children; recent research says having ICs up to 12 is normal, but older children may not talk about them as openly.

The good and bad signs

ICs are part of a happy, creative and healthy childhood. Conclusive studies suggest that a child
who creates them has good attention, verbal skills, social understanding and excels at conflict resolution.

"We are just starting to understand the scope of how valuable an IC can be to child development at teaching him coping skills. A child can learn how to self-regulate, problem-solve, stave off boredom and interact more positively with others," says Jennifer.

Studies show that children with ICs display positive traits of creativity and social interaction compared to children without ICs.

"However the lack of ICs is normal too; each child has a different way to express creativity," says Jennifer.

Unfortunately their presence can also be a cause for concern. If Heba notices Jana being affected negatively by her ICs she says she will intervene. "I will look for negative signs of fear or aggression."

If the IC is the child's only playmate or is aggressive and "controls the child and makes him do things he wouldn't normally do, it's time to seek professional help",
says Jennifer.

Parents should be accepting, supportive and circumspect. "Only if a child is shy, depressed or isn't interested in playing with real children or is scared of this IC, should a parent seek help," she says.

While experts advise parents to encourage ICs and interact directly with them if possible, they also caution a child may express his fears through an IC, talk about an uncomfortable or scary incident or try different behaviour like rebellion contrary to his disposition.

"In this case, try to find out what is troubling your child. If there isn't any cause for worry, learn about his ICs. It is a way to gain insight into a child's wonderful fantasy world," says Jennifer.