Lack of form? Buy another brazilian

Another week rolls by with no league action and we will have to wait again for another couple of weeks. In a week when Barack Obama was sworn in on the promise of change, we need him to get in touch with the UFL to shorten this winter break.

It is far too long and leaves you with the Etisalat Cup, which has not caught the imagination, and the national side being dumped out of the Gulf Cup means that the season goes flat.

The other major problem is of course it leaves me with not a lot to write about. So this week's column involves some fiction. The transfer window is open and this means plenty of rumour and counter-rumour.

The transfer system here is similar to the rest of the world but also has its own special ingredients. I think people would be surprised to know clubs here don't have scouting departments at a junior or senior level.

A smaller premier league club in England will employ around three to four full-time staff and up to 20 part-time staff whose sole job it is to check on potential signings. Here the clubs rely on agents and recommendations. A few years ago the league had a number of Croatian players at various teams.

Why? Agents representing Croatians got their players noticed by clubs and they were on their way to the UAE. The fact that a coach's stay is often very short means that clubs sign players through boardroom committee. The manager will be given the players to work with rather than choosing them.

This is often the way that clubs in Europe and South America work. The lack of scouting means that agents who can get their products (ie, players) in front of committees or people of influence often have the advantage. Signings made in the transfer window will undoubtedly be one of two things, or even both, that is a striker and Brazilian.

Let's go to an imaginary committee meeting at an imaginary club discussing imaginary new signings. Chairman, sat at the head of the table with a serious look on his face: “Our team is not performing well, what do you propose we do about it?''

The room is a sea of blank faces all looking for inspiration until a lone voice pipes up: “What about signing some Brazilian lads? They can play a bit, look good on the ball and love scoring goals.''

The room nods in approval and is lit up with sea of smiling faces as all problems are solved. The meeting is adjourned with much back slapping and handshaking of the man with the genius idea.

The phone call is put into the agent with the best Brazilian highlights DVD to provide a dose of Samba medicine to save the season. This happens in our imaginary club every transfer window.

The league's obsession with all things samba is legendary. Look at the names of strikers at some of the top clubs Olivera, Bare, Pingu, Dias and Anderson. They all dance to the Brazilian beat and in the tangled web of the transfer window I can only guarantee that signings will be more boys from Brazil.

Podcast

Our columnist Sparky talks to renowned Spanish football pundit Guillem Balague each week. To hear this week's pod cast click here. And don't forget to check out all the latest football news and views from around Europe at www.guillembalague.com