Is it difficult fitting in

At college, we all feel, it is important that we fit in with our peers. But sometimes you may find yourself doing something because others are doing it, something that makes you feel uncomfortable or not secure. You always have the right to say no to something that you don't feel right about.

But sometimes it is hard to say no to your friends - perhaps you need to learn how to keep out of situations that could lead to trouble.

Dealing with negative pressure

Learn to recognise the signs. If you feel a bit scared, how does your body tell you?

- Your legs feel shaky.

- Your mouth feels dry.

- Your tummy feels full of ‘butterflies' or you feel sick.

- Your heart beats faster.

- Your head feels hot - or cold.

Choosing what to do: Take charge

Stop and think. Ask yourself some questions

- Could this be trouble? Will it break the law? Will it break the school or home rules?

- Will people in authority be angry with me or disappointed?

- Will someone be hurt - physically or emotionally?

- Will I be safe?

- Do I feel good about this?

- Assess the situation - think about what is happening.

You need to be able to recognise bad peer pressure

If your friends are trying to push you into situations, they would generally say things like:

- "Everyone does it... "

- "No one will know..."

- "You're chicken..."

- Who's going to find out?"

- "Go on I dare you..."

If this is a situation where you are being bullied or you might be in danger, then you must ensure your safety first. This might mean agreeing to think about it and then saying ‘No' when you are in a safer place, or not alone.

How to say no

These are some ways that have worked for students who wanted to say no.

- Just say no! Keep on saying it.

- Leave, so that you can't be persuaded.

- Pretend you haven't heard and walk away.

- Make an excuse. "Can't stop now, got to go..."

- Talk about something else that they are interested in and don't let them change the subject.

- Laugh. "I thought you said... You've got to be joking!" Then change the subject or leave - still laughing.

- Pretend to be shocked or amazed.

- Give friendly advice: "That could be a dumb thing to do. Whose idea was it? You're too smart to get into that."

- Say, "I'm not doing this, because I'm your friend and I don't want to see you get into trouble."

- Say, "That's a bit unkind. How would you feel if someone did [said] that to you?"

Whatever you do, speak quickly and firmly. Make it clear that your mind is made up and you don't want to talk about it any more.

This is what some people seem to believe:

- Negative peer group pressure is cool.

- Equal rights are not for everyone.

- Good friends and good manners don't matter.

- Aggressive people are the most popular.

- Try to get others into trouble.

- Insult people's feelings.

- Verbal abuse makes you look smart. n Enjoying learning is not cool.

"You can change yourself and help others around you to change by being a positive person and refusing to allow negative pressures to win".