Guest relations

Far East. a place that brings to mind images of exotic landscapes, rich cultural diversity, delicious cuisine .... and an unmistakeably hospitable people. Suchitra Bajpai Chaudhary meets expatriates from this region to find out what makes hospitality such an integral part of their cultures

Visit any of the countries in the Far East and the first thing that imprints on your heart is the hospitality of the region's people.

For people on this slice of Asia, a guest is a pretty special person. He should be accorded the highest privileges, be treated with respect, grace and kindness and he should return home with only good thoughts and feelings about the visit.

Let's start with the initial greetings. Greetings from the people of the Far East are as fascinating, and different, as are the cultures.

For instance, a Japanese would bend his head at an angle of 45?when welcoming guests to his home. (If he is a traditionalist and the guest of a higher social standing, he would prostrate before him/her.)

In Singapore, a melting pot of Malays, Chinese and Indians, there are three ways to greet guests. The Malays hold their right hand to the heart as a symbol of showing the guest that he is close to the heart.

The Chinese clasp the hands of the guest with both their hands, while the Indians bring their own hands together, palms facing each other, and hold them close to their chest in the traditional symbol of 'namaste'.

In Malaysia, the traditional mode of greeting guests combines the Chinese and Malay traditions. Thus, a Malay would clasp his guest's hand, then brush his right hand over his own heart.

The Thais bow and greet their guest, then offer him pure rain water (namphon) collected in a silver goblet. This symbolises that he is welcoming the guest from his heart as rain water is considered the purest drink one could offer. Then he would bow down, clasp the hand of his guest and say Sawadee. 'You are welcome.'

Welcome then to a fascinating peek into the customs, particularly to do with hospitality, of cultures of the Far East.

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In most Asian countries, especially those of the Far East, hospitality is more than just a matter of sharpening etiquette skills in the social arena. It has got to do with the core philosophy of life - a peaceful coexistence aided by a holistic world view.

The people of this region are grounded by an innate humility and the belief that a group or a community comes before the individual.

It is these beliefs that inspire them to spare no efforts when welcoming a guest to their home or country, sharing a meal with them and making them feel as comfortable as they can.

Friday spoke to five people - from  South Korea, Japan, Singapore, Malaysia and Thailand respectively - to learn more about their concepts of hospitality. We also took a walk down memory lane with each of them, revisiting festivals, shared meals with friends, celebrations with family members, revelling in the love and harmony such occasions bring.

Malaysian grace
Shafisa Abdul Kadir and Sophia Sharon Nair, both airhostesses for Emirates, hail from diverse parts of Malaysia and are very conscious of the traditions of their country.

"In Malaysia, you may find Indians, Chinese and the Malays, but we are all Malaysians first. In our country, cultures have blended very well and every community invites the others to their homes during festivals and celebrations,'' says Shafisa.

The tradition of greeting guests among Malaysians combines the Chinese tradition of clasping both hands and the Malay tradition of holding the right hand to the heart.

Says Sophia: "When we meet a person, it is natural for us to hold her hand in our palms and then quickly raise our right hand to our heart. If a person is older, then we show deference by holding our hand next to our heart while bowing slightly. We would also kiss their hands."

Hospitality is an intrinsic way of our life, adds Kadir.

Respect is a very important element of hospitality and one has to constantly show the guest that he is respected and honoured. Thus, for instance, when talking to him, you must take care notto show your feet to him or be curt while talking.

Sophia adds: "If a guest comes to your home, you are supposed to welcome him by offering him a drink, usually Teh Tarik (a milky, frothy sweet tea). The tea is served from a silver teapot or preferably from a pewter one with black handles.

"He should then be offered food. When a guest finishes his meal, he must sprinkle a few drops of water on the plate - a sign that he has finished his meal. There is also a belief that doing so will ensure that he never goes hungry," she says.

In Malaysia, like many other countries of the Far East, the elders in the community enjoy special privileges. While welcoming a senior person into the house, the younger members of the household display deference and humility.

Says Sophia, "At a community meal, elders are always served first. Also, it is considered rude to talk during a meal. If you must, it should not be louder than a whisper. In villages, during community meals, a special dish such as Nasi Lemak (made of sweet potatoes)  and accompanied with coconut-flavoured rice is served to the elders."

When the subject veers to festivals, the two go misty-eyed. Malaysians celebrate Christmas, Hari Raya (Eid) and Deepawali - all three are regarded more as cultural events than religious festivals where every member of the community is invited. "It is a one-nation celebration where everyone is invited," says Sophia.

Kadir recalls celebrating Hari Raya in her village near Penang where lamps would be lit and fireworks would dazzle the night sky. A traditional dish, Dodo, was made during the festival at her grandparents' home.

"Dodo is made from a local variety of fruit called the durian. The fruit is chopped and cooked in coconut milk for many days in a big pot. All the family members lend a hand stirring the mixture until it acquires a thick, rubbery consistency. The thick mixture is then spread on a table, rolled into a tube and cut into pieces to be eaten with rice and meat," she explains.

Besides Dodo, the other popular dish cooked during all festivals is satay, which is grilled pieces of either beef, chicken or lamb, eaten with peanut sauce. This is common to all festivals.

Though modernity is bringing in a lot of changes, Malays still revere tradition and celebrate festivals in which all members of all communities participate with equal vigour and enthusiasm.

Sharing is a way of life
The Korean peninsula, sandwiched between China and Japan, combines certain elements of Chinese hospitality with the formal traditions of Japan to create its unique cultural blueprint.

Sung Soon Son, 52, the representative of the South Korean community in Dubai, misses the warmth and welcoming spirit of his country. "Deference or deep respect towards the older generation is an important part of our culture and contributes greatly to the spirit of hospitality,'' he says.

"I remember, even as a young boy,  meal times have always been with my parents. In most Korean families, it is unimaginable for children to have their meals alone. You must have family members and friends around you.

"To compensate for that (when I came to Dubai), I opened a Korean restaurant called Koreana ... that way, I never eat alone," he chuckles.

Share food, multiply joy
Normally a guest can drop in anytime and the host should always be prepared to extend a warm welcome with the words Oso Osayo, says Son.

"It is also still common in Korea to greet someone by asking whether he has had his meal ... it reflects the importance of hospitality in the Korean culture,'' he says.

Koreans love celebrating festivals such as the Lunar New Year, the Harvest Moon (Chuseok) and a child's first birthday (Tol). The latter is a very important occasion. This is because, during early times, infant mortality was quite high.

So when a child completed his first birthday, it was considered an important milestone in his struggle for survival and the child's parents celebrated it by welcoming the entire community for a feast.

Says Son, "Inviting family and friends to celebrate an occasion is almost a ritual in the countryside. The person who invites has to host the lunch but the women of the entire community pitch in to help the hostess.

 "On such occasions, the menu will generally include a soup, usually Duk Gook. Kimchi (a kind of pickle made of Chinese cabbage leaves tossed in red chilli, garlic and rice vinegar) is present at all meals. Even in Dubai, all Koreans make their own kimchi.

"All those who have been invited will take turns stirring the pot of soup as a gesture of community cooking. The soup becomes a symbol of unity and is placed at the centre of the dining table. This soup is had with rice," he says.

One of the most important dishes on the menu is Rice Cakes (Deok) - a must in all celebrations. These traditional Korean cakes are shared among neighbours and friends on happy or sad occasions.

"People prefer being informal during meal times, so traditionally, Korean food is not served in formal courses. All dishes are laid out on the table and a guest simply helps himself to whatever he prefers."

An interesting aspect to Korean cuisine is the large number of communal dishes that hold pride of place at the table. Every diner has a bowl of rice and soup in front of him. All the main dishes are placed at the centre of the table and each one at the table helps himself to the main dishes using chopsticks, says Son.

Another interesting aspect of eating in Korean households is that instead of everybody sitting around one table in the dining room, family members are served on individual (small) portable tables which are fully laid out in the kitchen before being brought out.

After the eldest member in the family takes the first bite, the others pick up their chopsticks. If three generations live under the same roof, the grandparents will be served their meals separately.

Also, no one is expected to excuse themselves from the table before the eldest finishes his/her meal. Also, it is impolite to talk a lot while eating. Koreans believe  mealtimes are moments to savour and reflect on the food.

Dessert nearly always consists of fresh fruit.

If you are eating out with Koreans, there is no such thing as going Dutch. You either pick up the tab or allow somebody else to play host and bear the entire expense of the meal.
Thanking somebody for a favour or for their hospitality is very important to the Koreans.

Thank yous are always said with a bow of the head - the deeper the bow, the more reflective it is of the seniority of the person being thanked. On a related note, seniority grants one important/preferred status and respect in Korean culture.

Traditionally, Koreans sit, eat and sleep on the floor, so shoes are always removed before entering a Korean home. But here again, displaying bare feet when older people are in the room is considered offensive. So socks or stockings (in the case of women) are worn when visiting families.

An important point to keep in mind: when visiting a Korean family, do carry a gift for them. It is a gesture that holds much value.

Formal code of welcome
In Japan, when a person upholds the spirit of onameteshi (traditional hospitality) - the customs of welcoming guests into one's home and all other codes of courtesy - he is termed a koro zukai (the ideal human being).

Kaori Harada, who works in a Dubai hotel, reminisces about her life in the city of Saitama where she spent her early life.

"Ours was a small family and there were very few occasions to learn more about traditional customs except during the many festivals and celebrations. However, I got a taste of traditional hospitality when I lived in Hokkaido (in northern Japan) where I worked on a dairy farm. People in the villages are very warm and well-mannered, and being hospitable comes naturally to them.''

They enjoyed having guests over for a meal, she says.

The Japanese are very particular about how to welcome a guest. In fact, there is a fixed set of rules governing hospitality.

The first ritual in welcoming a guest is the greeting. Says Harada: "Women greet guests with a gentle bow and their arms akimbo, while men do the same keeping their hands crossed at the wrists. Children are also taught to practise aisatsu (bending the head slightly) when greeting a friend or stranger."

The ancient Japanese way of greeting was called the Ojigi. It called for the host to prostrate before the guest. This gesture was traditionally reserved for guests who were of a higher social status than the host.

But even today, a Japanese would bow his/her head while greeting a guest. The degree of the bow depends on the status/age of the person he/she is meeting. A casual bow of the head is the norm when greeting an acquaintance on the street.

"The more customary greeting would require bowing your head down at about a 45?angle, especially when welcoming guests into your home. If you are meeting an elder member of the family or when you want to express gratitude for a favour or to show you are deeply sorry about something, you need to bend your body from the waist," Harada elaborates.

"It is considered rude to exhibit your pride before guests. You are expected to be humble and selfless, and show respect to your guests. The suffix san is always used after the name of the person to show respect. Thus, if you are addressing your grandfather, you would call him Oji-san, for grandmother it would be Oba-san, for father it would be Oto-san and so on,'' says Harada.

She believes that a lot of city-bred Japanese have forgotten traditional customs and feels they need to take a refresher course in hospitality.

Putting the right foot forward
Just as hosts have their etiquette, guests too need to keep some things in mind while visiting. Hygiene is an important part of guest protocol and no matter how dear the host, the guest must abide by the rules.

Footwear is always left outside the house and the guest steps in barefoot. Once inside, the guest is offered cotton slippers which can be used indoors.

"The guest should always bring along a gift as a token of respect for the host. The host, in turn, presents a small gift when the guest is preparing to leave."

An interesting aspect of visiting people in Japanese culture is the importance accorded to being  reasonably late. It is the norm and people try not to reach at the designated hour.

"If the appointment is for three in the afternoon, it is considered polite to reach five minutes after three. This is the guest's way of indicating that he is aware the host would be busy preparing for the visit and, therefore, would like to give the host a few more precious minutes to be ready.

"Once the meal is over, the host should never stand up before the guest has done so, as it is considered a rude suggestion that the host wishes the guest to leave. One must always wait for the guest to stand up first.

"When the guest arrives, you welcome him or her at the door, but when he leaves, you never bid goodbye to him at the door. You are expected to accompany the guest to the boundary of your home ... perhaps up to the gate if you are living in a villa."

Learning shi-ka-ta (the right way of doing things, be it entertaining, gift-wrapping/presentation, eating, reading or dressing) is of great importance in Japan. Following the right customs and etiquette is essential and imperative for ensuring smooth and harmonious interpersonal relations.

Offering purity on a silver platter
Thai hospitality is legendary and those who have visited Thailand would have experienced the warm welcome first-hand.

Kesara Hurin, restaurant supervisor at Thai House and management student of Middlesex University, still remembers the warmth and hospitality she experienced in the village of Samudrakan Paknam, near Bangkok, where she lived as a child.

"A deep respect for everyone, even strangers, is an intrinsic part of our culture,'' says Hurin, who has lived in Dubai for over seven years. "Our tradition tells us to welcome all. In the countryside, people are still very hospitable.

"The first thing we offer a person who visits our home is pure rain water (namphon) collected in a silver goblet. This symbolises that we are welcoming the guest from our heart as rain water is considered the purest drink.

"We then bow down, clasp the hand of the guest and say Sawadee ('You are welcome').
Hurin gets nostalgic about the warm traditions in rural Thailand.

"The villagers believed in doing things together. Everyone would get up early in the morning, share cups of tea and exchange news and views. The women would wash clothes outside their home, chat with each other while the children played together. Of course, we do not find the same kind of warmth in villages any more."

Whenever there is an important event - birthdays, weddings, etc. - people are invited to share the joy and bless the person. "When we build a new home, we invite the local monk to bless it and invite the community to have a meal with us,'' says Hurin.

"It is a big event and people of the village lend a hand in preparing the meal. Cooking together is still a tradition that is followed in the countryside as a way of showing that we care for each other.

"The meal usually includes a green Thai curry with rice followed by a traditional sweet - Thongyip. This is made of flour, coconut, sugar and egg yolk. The flour batter is spread on the skillet like a pancake and palm sugar is sprinkled on it. When it is done, egg yolk is spread over it. The pancake is then rolled and cut into bite-size pieces."

Hurin continues: "The main strand that runs through Thai culture is humility and warmth that is extended to friends and strangers alike. The most important social occasion is the Thai New Year (Songkarn) when we douse water on friends and family members. It is a ritual which connects people to each other in an informal and fun-loving way.

"But here too, in deference to parents, grandparents and other senior members of the community, we do not sprinkle water on them. Instead, we carry a bowl of water, dip our fingers in it and gently apply water on their hands as a mark of respect. They in turn then bless us. In the evening, we invite people for a meal.

"Our traditional meals are not multi-course. In fact, we go straight for the main course, as soup and salad are accompaniments to rice and curry. This is followed by the dessert - Thaptim - made of water chestnut and coconut milk.''

Gifts are a common way of thanking the host for his hospitality. "Usually, the guest is expected to take a gift for the host - a handcrafted item would be much treasured. It could be a woven mat, a piece of embroidery or some beads and baubles strung together. It could also be a bunch of seasonal fruit, or a curry made at home. The host is not expected to gift something in return."

Hurin believes that although urbanisation has changed many old ways of living, the younger generation can practise tradition with the same zeal as their older generations and safeguard their cultural heritage.

"I know what I learnt from my parents is the best way of life. I would ideally like to blend the traditional with the modern, but at the same time, I would not like to discard the hospitable nature of our culture that is famous the world over. I hope other young people also think the same way."

If Hurin is a typical example of how the younger generation of Thailand, or people of other cultures from the Far East think, then there is nothing to fear.

The legendary hospitality of the Far Eastern cultures will continue to string the smiles together around the world.