Come tell us a story

We hope that you will continue to respond to the monthly story writing exercise. Here are two stories received in response to last month's requests. Continue sending your stories to education@gulfnews.com. It is always a pleasure to read your work.

— The writer is a freelancer based in Hyderabad, India

Guidelines to remember

Writing Tips: Detail, Description

What makes a story readable? What do you like to read? Don't you enjoy a story that makes you feel a part of it, that draws you into the action and makes you 'see' and 'feel' everything that is happening? When you are writing a story, how do you make this happen for the reader?

The language you use is of prime importance in your story. How do you show your reader what is happening? You could write, "She was nervous while she waited for the doctor's diagnosis." Or you could say, "She wrung her hands and paced up and down, dreading what the doctor would have to say." At once the reader knows that she is nervous even without your using the word, and she can be 'seen' in the reader's mind.

Details and descriptions also give mental pictures to the reader.

However, no one has time to read long-winded descriptions in today's fast paced world, so the writer needs to slip in some details and descriptions in order to paint a word picture for the reader about the setting of the story and how incidents are taking place. What is meant by slipping in a detail?

For example, the characters in your story may return from a fishing trip with their catch. If you merely mention that they caught some fish, each reader will visualise a different fish — from a goldfish to a shark — but if you are specific, and put in that little detail, "They dumped the trout on the table," the reader gets a visual picture of the fish (the reader doesn't imagine a three-inch fish wriggling miserably or a five-foot giant breaking the table), and also gets an idea of the place where they have been fishing. (Trout are freshwater fish, found in cool climates.) Or if you write, "In her hurry, she tripped over the step and landed in the rose bush," your reader will probably wince, imagining the thorns that would have pricked her!

Similarly, when you mention a place, a couple of sentences thrown in to describe it can give the reader an idea of the landscape. For instance, "He puffed and panted as he climbed the rocky path to the cottage." The reader gets to know that the path is steep, the path is rocky (opening up the possibility of further happenings on the rocks or on the hill or in caves or near the sea) and the house is small, since you have mentioned a cottage.

When your story is set in a real place, remember that you must be true to the place in any description you bring in. If your story takes place in New York, then you need to make sure that you do not bring in any site or geographical or architectural detail that doesn't belong there. Know your setting. If your setting is entirely imaginary, then you can bring in whatever details you want.

Lorraine worries about her luck. Read Salomi's story of what happens to Lorraine unexpectedly.

Lorraine's Lucky Day

It was a cold frosty evening when 14-year-old Lorraine Lee was walking back home, shivering, with the wind rushing through her loose hair. It was one of the days of the month she dreaded, the 13th. Being quite superstitious, she had been reluctant to step on the cracks in the pavement, or cross a street with cats nearby. Lorraine was also troubled by the thought that there would be exams starting the very same day, and she had actually considered not going to school at all. Her mother, Mrs Lee, on the other hand, completely disagreed and forced her to go. Even at school Lorraine had felt quite sick, and when she told the nurse her problem, it was taken as joke and laughed about.

Although her friends and family laughed on hearing her suspicions, she was quite right, as her day wasn't very pleasing. Many times she tried to convince herself that it was just because she was scared and depressed, but this didn't work. It just made matters worse for her.

When she reached home, she noticed it was very quiet. She called out to her grandmother on her way to the living room but didn't get any response. As she put the lights on, she noticed her grandmother was calmly rocking her armchair and beside her, on the table, lay her set of Tarot cards. Her grandmother was an expert at reading Tarot cards, and Lorraine got her cards checked every day after school. It was her favourite time of the day. Her superstitious nature had been passed down to her from her grandmother.

"Grandma, are you awake?" asked Lorraine with curiosity.

That was when her grandmother woke with a start. But instead of looking disturbed, she calmly said, "Oh, yes my dear, I am. Come to me. We need to talk."

Lorraine obeyed. She knew what was to happen and quietly took her seat beside the old lady but, deep within, she was very restless.

"Pick your cards," said Lorraine's grandmother. She was getting excited, and had started rocking her chair a bit faster. Lorraine tried her luck. Her first card, according to her grandmother, was a sign of very-soon-to-come happiness. Her second was a sign of strong negativity in her moves and decisions, and her third of an unexpected surprise, something peculiar and strange, but still good. Lorraine only agreed with the latter two.

"Happiness? That is never going to come in my case, not today for sure," Lorraine thought to herself.

Suddenly, the door bell rang.

"I'll get it." Lorraine said quickly.

She peeped from the window, but surprisingly, she couldn't see anyone. As she opened the door she saw a small basket on the doorstep. She picked it up, and saw that in it was a pink silk pouch perfectly placed on a velvet cushion. She cautiously opened the loosely tied ribbon. As she looked inside, a smile spread across her face. In the pouch lay a cute white dove crystal locket, with LORRAINE written on it. But there was also a note that Lorraine didn't notice until the bag fell from her hands. When she had a look at it, she saw that it said, 'Always Be Positive'. As her smile began to spread across her face, she suddenly noticed that there were people coming towards her from all directions. Her friends, parents, nurse, everyone was there to help her fight her fear.

Later, when she got back to Mother Earth, she found out that they had planned this as the nurse had called Mrs Lee to discuss Lorraine's problem. Lorraine was lost for words. It was not an unlucky day after all.

"Thanks a lot, all of you! I really value your support. It is a real treasure to have," she said.

— Salomi Gujare, Grade 9, Pristine Private School, Dubai

n Emily notices something very strange and mysterious going on. She isn't prepared for what she finds when she decides to go home to Bermuda. Author Shanzeh keeps you guessing.

The Mystery behind the Bermuda Triangle

Mrs Morris, now just Emily, looked out of the window of the cab at her house for the last time before leaving for the ship terminal on the way to her home in Bermuda. Emily was a widow and she could not afford to pay the rent of her house as she didn't get a job right after her husband's death and had borrowed money from many people. When she got a job as a teacher all her money went in paying debts and the rent got overdue and she couldn't pay it. She didn't want to borrow money from anyone again so she decided the best thing to do was to move back to her home country.

When she reached the ship terminal and got onto the ship, she heard a man's voice say, "All aboard." She fell into a light sleep soon after.

Suddenly, the ship stopped with a jerk and woke her up. She looked around and said, "Are we here already?" Then her eye caught sight of some queer looking houses, kind of like doll's houses. She looked around the ship and saw that everyone had vanished. Only she had survived. It was a miracle. She got off the ship and saw only a few people at the ship terminal, no hustle-bustle.

Well, she wasn't afraid. She had always wanted to have an adventure. This was her chance. She found a small motel and decided to stay there as the receptionist said they took any currency. Before going to bed that night she sent her C.V. to some schools she had found on the web. After a few days, she received a letter telling her that she had been given a job in Happy Kids English High School. She went there the next day. She reached 4A, the class she was going to teach. She saw no kids, nope, nothing. She was surprised. She went to the principal to ask what was going on. He said, "You know the rules, come on, you know schools are made for teachers to chill."

"But I thought they were for children to learn. You're confusing me."

The principal said, "Never mind, you're new. Be at town council tomorrow at five sharp."

"Okay," she said and headed for the staff room. That was a disaster area. Teachers were having food fights and eating with their mouths full. She sat down for a while and then she went home. The next day, she headed for the town council. She reached the mayor's office and the mayor asked her, "You're new, aren't you?" They walked into the council hall where the others sat.

"Yes," she replied.

"Okay, then you must be Lucy and Sara, the two girls who arrived yesterday on Ship No.20."

"Huh?" she said.

"Take off your costume and show me your faces," the mayor said.

"What costume? I am Emily and I am not wearing a costume!"

The mayor said, "Then you are The Chosen One."

"What? You guys are freaking me out!"

"Let me explain," said one of council members. "We are all kids."

They took off their costumes. "We are the kids whose parents were mean to us. We all came here to lead a life away from them. Legend has it that one day a lady would come to our land and love us all and I guess you are the one. You will be our queen!"

"Yes, I will. I've always wanted kids of my own!" she said. "Now do come and give me a hug."

"Yes, Mama," they said and rushed towards her.

And so the kids along with their new mom led a happy life.

— Shanzeh Zahid, Grade 6A, Ibn Seena English High School, Sharjah